The Red Song

Chapter 7 - Part Three

I push the door of the roof open and start to crawl down the stairs, feeling my legs trembling, battling to stand up straight and just keep walking.

What the hell just happened?!

I'm out of breath again. I try to catch the air out of my lungs but I can't. I put my hands on the wall, trying to hold myself together, still half way down the stairs. I close my eyes and take a long breath, pushing all the air in and out. I'm still shaking, but I have to get out of here because he is still upstairs.

I crawl through the rest of the steps and I see myself in the saloon again.

I have to find Claire.

I scan the whole place looking for an average size blonde in a black dress, and I finally see her across the room. She has her back to me, but I know it's her since right in front of her is Dominic Thorne. He's leaning against the wall and she's in front of him, but they're not touching each other, they seem to be just talking.

I walk towards her, trying to walk like a normal person, putting all of the strength of my body on my legs. And these heels are really not making it any easier.

I cross the entire saloon until I'm standing next to Claire and she turns to me.

"Sam, where were you? I was looking for you."

"And I was looking for you." My voice is a little groggy and too low for what I was planning for it to sound like.

"Are you okay? You look pale." She looks worried.

"Yes, I'm fine. Can I talk to you for a second?" I look at Dominic who was smiling but suddenly stopped when I arrived.

"Yeah, sure." And then she turns to Dominic. "Can you excuse us for a second?"

He smiles with the non-reaching eyes smile.

"Sure." And he looks at me. "She's all yours."

Claire smiles and I pull her by the arm getting away from Dominic so we can have more privacy.

"What is it? You're shaking." Claire looks at me worried, while grabbing my hands.

"Yes, I don't feel good. I think I'm going home."

"Again? Are you coming down with something? Don't you wanna go to the doctor?"

"No, it's just a headache and I haven't eaten much all day. It's probably it." I say, trying to avoid the bombing questions.

"Oh, okay then... But I'm starting to get worried about you." She still has a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine, sis. I promise. I just need to get something to eat and get some sleep." I try to smile, but I'm sure it's not coming out the way I intended it to.

"Oh, do you want me to go with you?"

Oh, no. I won't be able to spend the entire night in a closed room with Claire. I need some time alone, I need to breathe.

"No, that's okay. You can stay here, I'll just grab a cab." I try to smile again.

"Oh, okay then. But if you start feeling anything else, you call me, ok?"

"Ok, but don't worry. Enjoy the rest of your party and please, be careful. If anything happens, you call me too, ok?"

"Ok." She smiles, still looking a little worried.

"Okay then, I'll see you later." I give her a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

"Okay, sis, take care, bye."

I smile and I leave towards the elevator. The elevator is already there, I enter it, press the first-floor button and I wait for the doors to close.

As soon as the doors close,I start to feel the tears coming down my face.

I open the door of our hotel room, I let my purse fall out of my hands into the floor and I walk into my bed, throwing myself in it.

I don't know why I'm crying, but I feel awful. I feel like I've done something terribly wrong, my heart is closed inside my chest and I can't help but to let the tears roll down my face, soaking my pillow.

I can't believe I had sex with him. On a roof!

What was I thinking?! How could I let that happen? I blamed Claire so much for hanging with them, for sleeping with Dominic and here I am, doing the same.

I feel like a hypocrite. And I feel dirty. Who knows how many girls he's had sex with? I've always felt so sorry for those girls who are always throwing themselves at them and I did worse tonight.

I can't believe I let myself fall for his words.

And what is his problem anyway?!

One minute he's rude, presumptuous and annoying, and the other he was just this sweet guy who looks like he's been hurt. He had pain in his eyes, in his voice, and I can't believe that I actually let myself fall for that. Of course he was just saying all those things to make me have sex with him.

And he did it. He finally made me crack.

And the worst part of all of this, is that I actually enjoyed it.

Oh, why do I feel this way when I'm next to him?

I thought I had more control of myself, but when it comes to this guy... I don't, I just don't. I feel like I lose completely control of my body, every time.

And I hate myself for that. But this has to stop. I promise I'm never going to let this happen again. I don't care how hard Claire begs me to go see them, she's going to have to forgive me. But I'm never seeing these guys again.

I promise.

I bury myself in my pillow even deeper and I cry my way to sleep, feeling disgusted with myself and regretting all of the amazing sensations that I felt tonight.