Relentless

29

As soon as it was light enough outside I quietly slid out of bed, then slipped my shoes on to go on a walk. I left a note in case the guys woke up but I would probably be back before then.

I walked down the hallway and went to the door that would lead to the deck so I could get some fresh air. As I walked I looked down at my hand to see that it was still a little swollen and bruised but I didn't mind.

He deserved it.

I decided to pull out my phone and give Kat a call to check on Mia. "Hey, good morning!" Kat said happily into the phone, "good morning. How's everything going there?" I asked quietly as I walked along the deck.

"It's good! Mia woke up halfway through the night screaming but we got her back to bed pretty quickly." She said as I scrunched my brow with confusion.

"Really? She's usually pretty good about sleeping through the night." I said and sat down on a bench that was outside.

"I think she had a nightmare or something." Kat said as the realization hit me, "was it around 3?" I asked as she chuckled, "how'd you know?" She asked as I rubbed my eyes, "that's when shit hit the fan here." I said with a sigh.

"Tell me about it. What happened? Are you okay?" She asked as I sighed, "the producer is a misogynistic asshole who made me sign this contract thing but wouldn't let me take the time to read it." I said and pinched the bridge of my nose, "so he keeps making me do these crazy scary things by myself because I'm a 'beautiful young lady' and he keeps threatening to cancel the show if I don't do it." I said and looked up at the sky.

"Cora that's horrible!" Kat yelled as I breathed out a sigh, "I know! So we were doing this ritual last night and something started CHOKING Colby because they refused to put a salt circle around us." I said and took a deep breath, trying to keep myself from getting angry again, "they want the best content possible and apparently being possessed by a demon is good content." I said as she gasped.

"Colby got possessed?!" She yelled as I chuckled, "no! No. He got choked but we very easily could have been possessed." I said and combed through my hair with my hands. "Anyways..the douchebag producer kept trying to pull me away from helping Colby! He said it was good content for him to literally be choking." I said as Kat listened intently.

"Anyways, I punched him." I said, getting to the point. "Colby?? You punched Colby?!" She asked as I laughed, "no! The producer! I broke his nose." I said as she laughed, "no WAY! Cora you are craaaazy." She said as I chuckled, "he was just letting Colby struggle! I couldn't have that. It was killing me." I said and looked up at the sun again, letting the warmth keep me calm.

"That's crazy! Maybe Mia knew he was struggling and freaked out or something. That's crazy." Kat said as I shrugged, "it makes sense. She is a daddy's girl afterall. Remember when my dad got in that car accident? I knew something was wrong all day but I couldn't figure it out until I got the phone call." I said as she gasped,

"That did happen! Wow...yeah maybe that's why she woke up." Kat said as I picked at my nails. "Maybe..Other than that she's been good though?" I asked changing the subject. "Yeah, she's so freaking cute, Cor. She wants to swim ALL the time like you said but she also just loves playing with Devyn. They are so cute. She started calling her Dede." She said which made me smile, "I'm glad she's being good for you guys." I said with a small smile as I rubbed my chest, I missed her.

"Yeah, she makes me highkey want a kid." She said longingly, "you'll have one soon enough." I said then felt a sharp pain in my heart when the miscarriage crossed my mind.

As annoying as Charlie was, his antics were really distracting me from that part of my life. Unfortunately now that I was thinking about it, I couldn't help but feel the overwhelming sadness consuming every inch of my body.

"Cor?" Kat asked as I shook my head, "sorry...what did you say?" I asked and anxiously picked at a loose string that was on my shorts. "Nothing, you just went quiet. Are you okay?" She asked as I closed my eyes for a second, composing myself again.

"Yeah, is Mia awake?" I asked changing the subject again. "No, I can call you when she is though if you want." She said as I shook my head, feeling the tears coming, "no, it's okay. I'll try to call back later if we have time." I said trying to keep my voice level.

"Oh...okay...are you sure you're okay? You sound like you're about to cry." She said as I brought my hand to my eye, catching a tear that was forming before it could fall on my cheek. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired." I said then stood up, "I should get going though...the guys will be awake soon." I said feeling myself unwraveling.

"Okay, text me if you need me...I love you." She said as I bit my lip, "love you too." I whispered before hanging up.

As soon as I hung up I let the tears flow through me as I sat down again, and pulled my legs to my chest. I looked down at the water, trying to let the natural waves of it calm me down.

It's high enough of a jump to kill you.

You should jump.

I shook my head and sniffled, hating those thoughts I was having. I just needed to sleep.

As I got up a sharp pain filled my abdomen causing me to cry out. It was early so nobody was up here yet, thankfully.

You could jump and nobody would stop you.

No.

I shook my head and stood up, then started to make my way to the room again. I had to lean against the walls as the pain in my abdomen intensified. I knew it wasn't real.

I knew it was phantom pains.

"Colby! Help me!" I screamed as I sobbed, feeling my heart being ripped out of my chest. His hands shook as he went into shock.

Please no. Not right now.

I fell into the wall and grasped my head as slid down to the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest then sobbed into them. I was grateful nobody was around to see me absolutely losing it.

"I'm.....I'm so sorry." Claire said as Colby sprung up to pull me into his chest as I screamed in agony.

I couldn't control the gutteral sobs that were leaving my body now. It just hurt so badly to think about.

I don't know how long I sat there before I had ran out of tears. I tried to catch my breath as the exhaustion hit me even harder. I was completely drained now, but somehow I still didn't want to sleep.

I wiped my cheeks with my shaking hands before I got up to go back to the room. The guys were probably awake by now.

I held my breath as I slowly opened the door to the room, silently praying they would still be asleep.

Luckily they were, so I could just shower and fix myself so they wouldn't ask questions.

I walked over to the nightstand and crinkled up the little note I had made before I left then grabbed my stuff to shower.

When I got to the bathroom I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror but quickly looked away. I didn't want to see the emptiness in my eyes again.

I sighed and got into the shower, quickly washing away the shame that having an attack made me feel. I wondered if one day they would stop. I don't think they would, but maybe one day I would be able to live my life without one of them randomly coming on.

A girl could dream.

When I got out of the shower I brushed my teeth, still avoiding the mirror. I knew I would have to look eventually but I just hated seeing the shame in my eyes. It only made things worse for me. I had to look though.

When I finally met my gaze in the mirror I sighed and bit my lip, hating every second of the stare down I was having with myself. I forced a smile on my face, trying to let it reach my eyes but it really never did.

Whatever.

It would have to work.