Relentless

15

It's officially been a week since the miscarriage and I was getting ready to leave the house for the first time.

Colby wanted to take me to the store so we could pick out some furniture for the house. We were taking Mia with us in the hopes that she would cheer me up a little bit while we were out.

I've been doing phone therapy sessions every day and I was honestly starting to feel like myself again. It was a slow process but we were getting there. Colby even joined in on some of the sessions and talked his feelings out to Emily also.

"Ready to go baby girl?" Colby asked as I pulled my shoes on. "I think so." I said and stood up, "I'm really proud of you, Cor." He said and came up to kiss me on the head, "I haven't done anything yet." I said with a small laugh.

He pointed to my shoes, "you put those on. That's something." He said as we walked out to get Mia. "Yeah, I guess it is." I said with a shrug.

When we walked into the nursery, Mia was standing up in her crib, "mama." She said and reached her arms out at me, "hi sweet girl." I whispered and pulled her into me feeling the tears start again.

I still just felt an empty void in my heart, but Emily told me that would be there for a while. She said it would slowly fill back up though. I just had to be patient.

"Ready to go shopping?" I asked her and wiped a tear from my cheek as Colby rubbed my back. "Yah!!" She cooed happily as Colby got her bag together. "Okay, let's go then." I said and turned to leave the room. I felt myself hesitate as I made it to the stairs.

Was I really ready for this?

I shook my head, trying to push the doubts out of my mind as I carried Mia down the stairs.

"Hey Cor, oh! Are you going somewhere?" Kat asked as she walked out of the kitchen, "yeah...Colby and I are going furniture shopping." I said quietly as she smiled at me, "that sounds like fun, maybe we can have a spa night or something when you get home?" She asked with a hopeful grin.

I have been really absent around the house lately, usually hiding in our room. I would occasionally come down to make tea or food but I stayed upstairs for the most part. "Yeah, that sounds fun." I said and reached my hand out to her. She smiled and took it, giving it a little squeeze.

"Love you, Cor. Please don't forget that." She said with a small smile. I felt the tears boil up inside of me as I sniffled, "I could never." I said and hugged her with the arm I wasn't using to hold Mia. "You're doing so good, we are all so proud of you." She whispered in my ear as I cried harder.

"Woah, hey is she okay?" Colby asked as he came down the stairs. "I'm okay. Just..I'm grateful for everyone who has helped me." I said with a sniffle. "We love you!" Kat said and smiled as Colby came up and wrapped his arm around me, "I love you guys....I'm s-" I started but was interrupted by Kat groaning, "I KNOW you're not about to apologize to us. You're hurting, you don't get to apologize for it. I won't allow it." She said and scrunched her nose at me.

"I just feel bad for being so distant. Especially when we are moving so soon....we were supposed to use this time to make the best of it." I said with a sigh, feeling myself getting even more upset. "Hey, don't worry about it. We will be hanging out ALL the time when you move, it's no biggie. Just take your time and heal. We will be here when you're ready." Kat said with a smile as I bit my lip and nodded.

"Thank you." I sniffled and took Colby's hand, "I'll see you tonight for girls night." I said and smiled slightly at her, "only if you're up for it. No pressure at all, Cor." She said as Colby led me to the front door, "Thanks Kat...I really appreciate it." I said as he opened the front door, "any time, alright have fun!" She said and waved as we walked outside.