Chasing my Dream

Chapter 15

I woke feeling an ache over my whole body. I tugged my eyes open, they felt heavy and I really didn't want to face the day. I couldn't help worrying but I knew that I needed to get myself together.

I visited the bathroom and then noticed a message on my phone. I picked it up.

Brandon: Hey Pria sorry I've been tied up. My phone broke whilst away and I've only just sorted it. Are you busy today? x

I read the message a few times and my stomach churned. This was not a text from someone that had missed me. It was too cold too distant.

Pria: hi DB good to hear from you, yes I'm free xx

Brandon: great meet me at the diner at 2pm x

Pria: see you then xx

I held my phone and just stood there. It was like everything had just stood still. Here I was panicking about a man I knew I had fallen for and I don't think he felt the same way at all.

I went downstairs as my dads and Jacob got ready for their day and I'm sure they said something to me. I just sat.

"Pria" I looked up to see Derek looking at me concerned.

"Yes sorry I didn't sleep well and was in a daze" I explained.

"Ok well Gez is treating us to take out later so don't worry about dinner ok?" He asked.

"Yeah great dad". I started cleaning the kitchen needing to do something.

Once they all left I went to my room and changed. I knew the only way to shake my concerns was exercise so I went out the back on a long run.

After my run I busied myself with housework and laundry. It was 12pm before I realised and dashed up for a shower. I dressed in my skinny blue jeans and a cream jumper with a blue patterned scarf.

Grabbing my bag I headed out the door towards the diner.

As I pulled into a parking space I noticed Brandon's blue Ford. Taking a deep breath I exited the car and headed indoors.

Brandon was sat in a booth towards the back of the diner. When he looked up he had bags under his eyes and he looked exhausted.

I smiled as I approached and he got up and enveloped me in a hug. I breathed in his scent enjoying being back in his arms. He stiffened suddenly let me go and we both sat down.

Neither of us spoke and Brandon would not look at me. I swallowed, this was going to be hard but my past never broke me and this beautiful man in front of me won't either.

"Brandon are you ok" my voice came out as a whisper.

"Pria it's lovely to see you but some things have happened recently and I can't go on ignoring what's in front of me" he said still avoiding my eyes.

I was confused as the last times we had spent together were the best days of my life. I sighed. If he didn't feel the same I really needed to improve how to read someone.

"I really do like you but I have been given a work opportunity that will take me away for an undetermined amount of time" he said. He then looked up to me and I saw sadness and maybe regret. Did he regret meeting me? What we did?

"Ok I would never stand in the way of you chasing your career. Are you concerned I would not handle a long term relationship" I asked hoping and praying that's what he meant.

"No I have no doubts you would be understanding and patient about anything. There is someone else Pria. She works with me and will be on secondment with me. We have become close and she wants us to get to know each other better. I cannot explore my feelings with her and keep you hanging on. It wouldn't fair. I think that there may be more of a future with this woman" his tone was so disconnected. This wasn't the Brandon I knew and I felt there was so much he wasn't telling me.

"So your saying your feelings for this woman are more than anything you felt for me?" I asked feeling my lower lip wobble I gripped it in my teeth to halt any emotions escaping.

"No it's not that. It's not that she's better than you. I do like you but it's complicated and you don't deserve someone that has responsibilities elsewhere pulling them away from you. You deserve a man who's dedicated. I can't offer that" he was talking but it didn't make sense. A single tear slipped down his cheek.

"Are you sure this is what you want Brandon. I'm sure you know how I feel about you" even though it hurt I didn't want to regret never making him aware of how I felt.

"Yes, yes but you are too sweet for what I need they would ruin that" he said.

"What who are they? Brandon I'm confused" I said. I reached for his hand but he pulled away.

I straightened my back as he looked up at me. His expressions was now closed off and I knew there would be no going back.

"Yes I want to be with this woman not you sorry Pria" I watched his eyes but they showed me nothing and I knew.

I nodded "Ok" I slid out of the booth looking at the man who was squeezing at my heart. "Be happy Brandon don't stop chasing your dreams, goodbye" I turned and left.

No matter my pain, if Brandon had doubts about me one thing was right. He didn't deserve me. I walked out of the diner got into my car and made my way home.

I don't remember the journey home or arriving at the house. I was sat in my car staring at my steering wheel feeling nothing.

I heard a knock at my window and moved my head to the side to see Derek standing by my car. "Hey did you forget you lived here" Derek asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

I burst into tears the sobs vibrating my whole body. The tears swam down my cheeks and the snot poured from my nose. I heard my door open as Derek removed my belt and took me into his arms bridal style.

I curled into his warmth and cried and cried and cried. I couldn't understand I had fell so quick and so hard for Brandon and he hadn't felt the same at all. I felt so sure we were in a good place.

I wanted to scream how unfair it was and how stupid I had been. I don't know how long I stay cradled in my dads arms but I must have fallen asleep.

I woke with a sore throat and eyes that were stinging. As I cracked my lids I noticed I was on the sofa in the basement with a blanket on me. I didn't want to move but I needed the toilet.

As I came out the bathroom Gerry was stood and held his arms open. I went into them willingly and the tears started again. I felt a small body to my side and realised Jacob was hugging me too.

All weekend was a blur. I had become close and personal with a few boxes of tissues until I refused to cry anymore. My dads and Jacob didn't leave me taking turns in cuddling and watching films and snacking.

No one tried to force me to eat a large meal but kept me picking at bits. I felt like a zombie and I was absolutely exhausted.

I decided to move out of the basement I felt stiff and dirty. Changing into my running gear and assuring my dads I was ok on my own I went into the forest.

The fresh air and scenery called to my soul. It was welcoming and familiar company. I knew the trails like the back of my hand. It allowed me to escape everting.

Once I returned to the house I was feeling a bit more like me. Going upstairs I picked up my phone there was one single text.

Brandon: I'm so sorry Senna be happy xx

I sank to my knees and the tears came yet again. I didn't even think I had any left as the sobs grew stronger.

Again strong arms came around me and cradled me until darkness took away my pain