Chasing my Dream

Chapter 7

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for just a few seconds.  When I opened them Derek and Gerry were watching me.  There was no pressure, no judgement just them.   I knew this was the right time and the right thing for me. 

"I was in college on Thursday and our lecturer was talking about an extension course.   He was talking about our futures and how we wanted the course to relate to employment potential for us.   It sent me into a blind panic.   I realised I had never considered what I wanted past college.   After the lecture I bought a coffee and went and sat under a large oak tree that looked out onto the campus.   I suddenly realised how much my life surrounded my studies.   I have filled my life so much with learning it has helped me avoid everything" I sighed. 

"I came home because I don't want to hide anymore.  I avoid conversations, most social situations and have even allowed myself to miss out on family milestones to pacify my fear" I explained

"What is your fear Pria" asked Gerry.  His tone was gentle and I knew I never had to answer any of his questions. 

"I'm afraid of being noticed" I looked at them to only see a shade of sadness but still not judgement.

"I think it might help to let you know everything" I leant over to lift my latte trying to soothe my dry throat. 

"I realise you know when I was rescued I was found in a locked cage in the basement" I heard a growl but wasn't sure if it was Gerry or Derek.   Gerry slid along the sofa nearer to me and took my hand.  He placed my palm upwards on his lap and starting drawing small circles with his finger.

I knew he needed this contact as much as me.  "I don't remember my Mum much but I small memories of baking with her and her with me at the park.  I don't think she did anything to me physically but she was strict.   I always had to follow her instructions to the letter.  As you know I never went to school.  We lived in isolation and I was taught to read and write.   We had no television or radio.   We had a routine and we followed it regimentally" it was hard to remember my earliest memories with my mum as there wasn't many. 

"My mum died and I honestly can't remember for sure my age but I think I was about 4.   I don't even know how she died.   One morning I remember getting up and that she was gone" I stopped remembering this day as it was when things started to change.

"My Dad was rarely home before my Mum died but then he was home all the time.  He was loud when he spoke but that wasn't often.   He explained that I was responsible now for the home.  I was to cook clean and he expected the same standards my Mum adhered to.   You can imagine that a 4 year old would struggle and I think he counted on that" the soft circles from Gerry were soothing. 

"If I failed at any chore my Dad started punishments.   The first one I will always remember, I think it's because of my shock at was happening rather than it being the worst.   I was struggling to hang the bedsheets on the line.   I had a stool and had pegged one side but as I was climbing off the stool to take to peg the other side of the bed sheet my dad exited the back door.  He was furious that I had left the sheet sit on the grass whilst I was manoeuvring the stool.  I couldn't understand, how was I able to hold the sheet and move the stool with my height.  He didn't care.  As he was shouting he walked over to me grabbed my arm and dragged me to the outside tap.  He filled a bucked and threw the cold water over me and when I was soaked he took some rope and tied me to one of the posts of the washing line" I shuddered at the memory. 

"How long were you tied up outside sweetie" asked Derek.

"I'm not sure but it was at least a few hours because night had fell.  He came back out to untie me up because he was hungry and wanted dinner" I looked at Derek and he nodded slightly.   I think he was afraid of any reaction causing me any anxiety.