All But Forgotten Mate (EDITED/COMPLETE)

13: Mission Mate

"Izza your Father is..." I was shocked she wants to sever the bond us. She wants to leave. I had to let her know she couldn't go back. Dex is howling in my head. Our mate can't leave us.

"I know Jax told me what you had your friends do. And, sadly, that is all you took from that point of the conversation. I know that all I have left is Xander and Xavier. Some days, I want to hate you but I can't. I'm just done is all, so can you please let me go. I'm going to follow Kelly's instructions for my birthday weekend. I'm going to go relax." I took a step back and she slid off of the counter. She was wedged between the counter and my body.

She finally made eye contact with me and all the hurt she was feeling rang clear in her eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but what was I suppose to say. Placing my hands on either side of her on the island I bent and breathed in her scent. I had to calm Dex down. He was trying to break free. He can't take the thought of her leaving and wants to tie her down so she can never leave us. We have tried that. We have trapped her and it only made things worse. She won't leave us Dex. Or at least she won't leave our boys.

This time she moved to leave and I let her. I didn't want to push her into doing anything drastic. I returned to my room thinking about all I have done. All the reasons she has to leave me. I can now only hope that I can show her I have changed. That I want her. That I want more than just her body. I love her. I need her. I just have a hard time showing it. I don't know how to show it. I have never had a real relationship.

I found Izza a few hours later relaxing in the hot tub. I couldn't wait. I had to get answers. "Do you really want to reject me?"

"Do we have to have this conversation today, of all days?" This may be the only chance that I get. Any other tome she can avoid me like she has been doing all week.

"It's just us here. Kelly and Jax took the boys to the water park." I said sitting on the edge of the tub. "Are you that unhappy? I know that I don't do anything to make you happy, but I do try to not be a complete asshole. I do care, and I don't want you to leave."

"What do you want me to say? That when I dreamt of my mate this is exactly what I imagined. No, it's not. It could be worse. I'm just tired of being let down by life. You're supposed to have a mother and father that love you. Well, I never knew my mom and you know what my dad was like. You are supposed to have siblings and friends growing up. My twin brother died when I was born and I was never allowed to have friends. You dream of your mate. You dream of the unconditional devotion, love, and passion. I got you. Someone who can't even commit to the one person who is made for him. I know that relationships aren't perfect. I knew when I found my mate it would be no fairytale, but I still want to be loved. I'm just disappointed that I miss out on that. I'm sad that I realized after three years that you will never love me. So I don't know what I'm holding onto now." Tears streamed down her face. I couldn't watch as she cried when I knew I caused it. I am the worst mate ever.

"You still want me to love you after everything I have done? I thought you hated me. I would hate me." I can't look at her while I ask the next question. I already know the answer will be no. How could she answer anything else. "Do you love me?"

"You are my mate, the father of my children what am I suppose to do. So yes, I do love you. I always will. I hope you find happiness one day, but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hoping that you will one day wake up and realize the mistake you have made. I can't reject you, and I can't keep living the lie. I need to find some way to distance myself. I have some friends with a room to rent. I will work at the clinic and I can sleep in a place where your not. I can be here during the day and still "nanny" the boys." Her voice broke, with the pain my lie has afflicted upon her.