The Elite

Twenty-One

Tass

I angrily stalked my way to the Launching Bay, fuming heavily. I just couldn't believe that Julian went and hung out with Aza. He was supposed to be Squad 16's friend, not hers. What made me even more angry was the fact that I cared that Julian abandoned us for Aza. I wasn't supposed to get attached, and yet it was difficult to admit, but I had liked Julian. Most of all, I was angry at him. Why did he have to be so damn nice and friendly that he made me like him? Why couldn't he just portray himself as the jerk he really was?

I must have been crazy thinking Leon sending me after Julian might have been nice. I should have known we weren't going to end up hanging out together when he could go and hang out with Offenders instead. He was going to betray us all to them, having probably been plotting with them since the beginning. After all, he was the son of Black Queen and Nefarious. What else would he do?

Admit it, Tass, Crina's voice said in my head, the only reason you're getting so worked up over this is the fact that you wanted to be his best friend, and you're annoyed that he wanted that honor to be Aza's and not yours. Secretly, you enjoyed Julian trying his hardest to be your best friend.

Briefly, my mind went back to the moments right before I went up to him. Julian asked Aza to be best friends forever, and I was just seized so much by jealousy and hate that I couldn't let Aza respond. I'd just blindly attacked for very little reason.

"Aren't you just supposed to call me an Offender?" I snarled at Crina's voice in my head.

I really hated Crina invading the privacy of my own mind. She left me for a different crowd, so she didn't deserve to weigh in on my new life.

Perhaps you should get a real friend to talk to, then, Crina whispered. Maybe then you won't hear voices in your head.

"I can't!" I yelled. "He doesn't want to be friends!"

It was clear Julian would much rather hang out with Aza than me. She was his friend, not me. Aza was the one who would be a better fit for being his best friend. Compared to her, I could see why he chose her. She was nice and kind, and they knew each other already. Aza was perfect, and I was very much flawed and scarred.

Are you sure he is the one trying to prevent the friendship? Crina asked. Are you sure that him going to Aza means he's abandoning you? Does that one action invalidate all he's done so far to befriend you? Can't he just have more than one close friend? Isn't it more likely you're reading too much into this in order to attempt to convince yourself to avoid being his friend? Doesn't the fact that you're trying to compare yourself negatively against Aza show that you're trying to convince yourself it wouldn't work anyway? Aren't you trying invent a conflict in the real world to try to reflect the one brewing within yourself?

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, covering my ears.

I didn't want to hear Crina tell me all about my problems because I didn't want to acknowledge I was conflicted. I wanted to pretend I was perfectly fine.

You do realize this gives you the sort of emotional turmoil that makes the best kind of Offenders, Crina said in my head.

I growled at that, even though I felt a bit satisfied. Of course Crina would be trying to turn my situation into a way to prove that I was an Offender. It was practically all she popped into my head to say. Nothing she was asking was anything worth thinking deeper into. She was just trying to get under my skin. Julian really was a jerk who chose Aza over me and the rest of Squad 16.

With that decided, I retrieved my jacket and put it back on as I proceeded to the Launching Area. I walked with quick steps, not wanting to be late.

You want control, Crina told me as I walked, popping back into my head despite my calm. You haven't had control of your life — especially how others have treated you — so you want control. That's why you want to rule the world and why you'd make a brilliant Offender.

More than anything, I wished Crina would just shut up, but it wasn't that simple. I didn't know how to get rid of her voice in my head. I just tried to ignore her as I hurried to the Launching Area, hoping she would just shut up, but she didn't. Instead, I had to endure her telling me all about how I was an Offender.

When I got to the jet, the taunting from Crina only got worse with the look of pure hate Aza gave me when I arrived. It was clear she was angry at me for what I did to Julian. I scowled back as her as I proceeded inside, ready to defend myself from Julian's coming accusations.

However, when I strapped into the jet, Julian gave me a smile. I just stared back at him, uncomprehending. I'd just attacked him and broken his arm. That wasn't something he should have been smiling to me about. He should have been yelling at me and tossing away any lingering hopes of our friendship.

"Is everything okay?" Leon asked, looking at Julian.

"No," Julian replied, the smile dropping slightly. "We're going to Zaratha, I miss my parents, and Tass is being a bitch."

"You're the one conspiring with an Offender no doubt so that something bad happens to us in Zaratha," I argued.

Hearing that Zaratha was our destination, it only made more sense that Julian went to talk with Aza. She was likely from Zaratha too, so they were no doubt plotting with their old buddies to do something bad.

"Why do you always think everything is a conspiracy?" Julian asked with a sigh. "Aza is just my friend."

"Everything is a conspiracy," I replied. "I thought this squad compromised your friends."

"Tass, I can have as many friends as I want," Julian said. "Not everybody wants to not have friends so much that they concoct stories to fit right alongside their paranoia."

I hated how much Julian's words paralleled right alongside what Crina was telling me. I especially hated the fact that I wondered if that meant he was right.

"Just shut up," I told him.

"I'm sorry," Julian apologized profusely. "I didn't mean to be such a jerk about it. Thinking about going back to the place I associate with my parents is just making me a bit not okay."

He really looked humiliated for not being his nice self, so I let him get away with it. I didn't want to talk about my struggles anyway.

"So what's the mission?" Katrina asked. "Is it something simple?"

I snorted. "We're going to Zaratha. It's not simple."

To my utter surprise, I actually found myself feeling like a jerk as worry crossed Katrina's face. All I was doing was just making her less certain, which didn't help at all.

"Zaratha is basically Offender HQ," I explained. "Lots of Offenders have bases there, especially after Julian's parents died. The Elite have no control over the city, so Offenders thrive there."

Julian was staring wide-eyed at me, but I ignored him. I didn't need anyone telling me explaining was out of character for me.

"The good thing is since it's actually illegal for Elite to operate in Zaratha, no one actually expects Elite there, so it's shockingly easy for Elites to preform reconnaissance there because no one thinks the Elite should be there."

Katrina looked reassured by my words, which made me glad I could do something to help. She would be great if gifted with confidence.

"Did you just reassure Katrina?" Julian asked incredulously.

"Yes," I replied. "Unlike you, I actually care about our squad."

It took me about two seconds before what I said sunk in. When I realized, I freaked slightly.

I viewed the members of my squad as friends.