Beyond The Past (My Toxic Relationship)

New Beginnings & Changes

Fall 2016.

I was really excited to start college, be away from home, become independent all that jazz.

By now things were already rocky, obviously. I didn't trust him and even though there hadn't been an incident in months I couldn't help but feel things were too calm.

Now I wish I could sit here and tell you things got better for some time. But I'd be lying to you.

No it wasn't another cheating incident..yet but I'm getting to that.

Things got worse in other aspects.

We were arguing every single day. Over stupid ass shit.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I remember every single argument cause truth is I don't even remember half of them. What I do remember was the screaming. The insults. The keeping me from my friends.

About a month in I met some people who to this day are some of my greatest friends. Lex knew them too and we all lived in the same dorm. Well minus lex he lived in a different dorm across campus but he was at mine a lot.

My friends are the type of people that are always down for spontaneous adventures. So keep this mind.

My friends knew that Lex and I were having problems because I would complain about it all the time. The arguments were pointless and stupid.

But here's what's important about these arguments. In every single argument Lex would belittle me. He would say things along the lines of how I was "too sensitive." How I was "too clingy." Selfish. Self-absorbed. Too much of a fucking princess. How my family handed me everything on a fucking plate and that was why my feelings would get hurt when he would tell me my "truths".

He would say shit along the lines of how I always brought up the past and that was why we couldn't move forward with our relationship.

Me bringing up the past when shit happened wasn't because I was trying to start an argument as he would put it. It was because I was pointing out a consistent pattern with his shit. Keep in mind, an apology without changed behavior is manipulation.

There's one day I remember clearly.

My friend, let's call her Ali, texted me asking if I wanted to go get food with her to which I responded with yes.

Lex was currently sleeping next to me. He used to work night shifts at jack in the box at the time in order to work with his school schedule. I knew he was gonna be out for some time being as he's always been a heavy sleeper.

I leave my dorm and meet her at her room being as she only lived a few doors down.

We go to the cafeteria, get our food and a little later some of our other friends joined us.

About 45m in my phone starts ringing. Surprise surprise it's Lex.

I answered.

Me: Hello?

Lex: Where the fuck are you?!

Me: I came to eat with Ali and the rest of them I was hungry.

Lex: So you just fucking left me here alone!

Me: *gets up from the table and walks towards the restrooms* What the fuck am I supposed to do?! Wait around all fucking day for you to wake up? I don't want to be in my fucking dorm room all day and it's not like I'm doing anything bad. I'm literally just eating with them.

Lex: Whatever Nuvia. You just always have to do whatever the fuck you want and have it your way huh? Fuck me though right?

Me: You're seriously gonna be pissed because I let you fucking sleep while I came to eat with my friends?!