Beyond The Past (My Toxic Relationship)

The Very Beginning

Before I officially start this I'd like to point out three things. One, if you know me in real life I ask that you don't mention my ex's name at any point in the story or comments to avoid any issues in the long run, last thing I want is to catch a case for "defamation of character." Two, I am not perfect and I won't ever claim to be perfect, we both made mistakes in the relationship his are just a lot worse. I also was stupid, young and naive when making certain decisions that looking back were not handled the best. Third, if something relates to you or triggers you or you ever find yourself in need of someone to talk to my dms are always open. Now with all that out of the way let's get started :)
***************************************

Let's start off with a bit of a background on how my relationship came to be. We met at the age of 11. Our school was a middle school and high school all in one so everyone knew each other. My ex let's call him.. Lex. Yeah Lex. So Lex claims that he "fell in love with me at first sight" in 6th grade. Me? I never gave him the time of day if I'm being honest. He wasn't my type at the time ( quite frankly not my type not either.) Now I'd like to point out that Lex asked me out every single year and every single year I said no. Prior to Lex, I was "on & off" with another guy for about 5 years. We never actually dated so he was my almost something. My almost lover. Almost relationship. Just almost something. Now this is a key factor. In that time frame that I was on and off with this other guy let's call him Angel, Lex would always tell me that I deserved better and that if I gave him the chance he would treat me better than Angel did. Mind you my 'relationship' with Angel was just confusing so Lex hated him. Not just because of me but another girl they both had a fling with was also why they didn't like each other. Again it was a small school so everyone knew everyone and their business.

Fast forward to senior year, my best friend (at the time) and I were having this conversation about this weird dream I had about Lex. She told me to tell him because something could come out of it but I wasn't really trying to date my senior year mainly because we'd all be going in different directions in a few months. The only thing I wanted to get out of the way before going to college was loosing my virginity. Stupid, yes I know, looking back it was ridiculous. Anyways, I ended up telling Lex about said dream and of course he had been over the moon ( I'd also like to point out that he was also in a relationship at the time of this). I told him that even though I had had this dream that nothing was gonna happen because he was in relationship and I was 'talking' to someone at the same time. He of course tried to convince me that it would be fine and I rejected it a lot at first because I knew it would be wrong.

Needless to say I lost my virginity to him and before you ask-yes he was still with his girlfriend. No it didn't go as planned, yes it was fucked up of me for going along with it but before it had happened Lex kept saying he was going to break up with his girlfriend and be with me because he had been in love with me since 6th grade. So he says.

I, like a dumbass, believed him. Lex was/is a master manipulator and compulsive liar. He ha(s/d) a way with words that makes whatever come out of his mouth sound believable. For weeks he kept saying he was gonna break up with her and he never did and I tried to cut ties with him many times but he would always get in my head. He would bring Angel (the five year guy) into it and always tell me that I would forgive Angel for everything and yet I couldn't stick with him (Lex). So of course he made me feel bad.

Turns out he didn't even have to break up with the girl because she broke up with him. A week or so later he asked me out and I stupidly said yes because at that point I had caught feelings.

Now I know what you're probably thinking. "Why would you date him if he had already cheated on his girlfriend with you? That was fucked up of you. She didn't deserve that. It was wrong on both of y'all."