I'll Show You Pretty

1. Negative Attention

Mr. Iero chuckled lightly before continuing. "That's alright guys, that's why these are called lesser know psychological disorders. Anyway, please write. this down. 'Fregoli Delusion is a syndrome that relates to hallucinations. Those who suffer from this disorder are under the impression that they are being followed by one person disguised as several others.'" He wrote the definition onto the board, and I copied an abbreviated version of it onto my own paper.

"That might sound confusing, but here, let me give you an example. Let's say that...." he navigated the room for someone to pick. "Let's say that Gerard had Fregoli Delusion." Of course he has to pick me to be the fucking example.

"If he had the delusion, he would believe that all the rest of us in this room are the same person, only disguised as different personas. This can obviously be problematic, because he won't know what to believe. It gets real complicated when say, Bert and Lindsey start talking to each other, and Gerard thinks it's a trick. He'll think that said person is talking to themself in another form to try and trick him into thinking they're two different people." While I didn't appreciate being Mr. Iero's example for this disorder, I did respect the explanation he used.

I wrote down an example of my own onto the paper and continued listening to his lecture. "If you still don't understand, I'll put it this way. Imagine an actor in a movie. Usually, unless it's their first role, they've also been in a ton of other movies. No two people in those movies are alike, but they're all played by the same actor. Understand?" Most people unenthusiastically nodded, but I actually was quite fascinated by this topic. Crazy how the human brain works.

He continued to talk on about the topic, writing down notes on the whiteboard occasionally. Finally we were done, and there was only ten minutes of class left. "Alright guys for the last ten minutes of class, you can look over your notes with a friend if you want."

Everyone began turning to their buddies to pretend like they were studying, and I looked around sadly. No one wanted to speak to me, of course they didn't. I frowned and started doodling on my note paper. At least I had my drawings, even if I didn't have any close friends.

I ended up writing lyrics down onto the margins of the paper with decorations around them. Me having all the negative thoughts I had, ended up writing some of the edgiest lyrics I could muster up.

"I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!
~Given Up by Linkin Park"

"I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone.
~Adam's Song by Blink-182"

"Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm
Bleeding
~Last Resort by Papa Roach"

I smirked at the last set of lyrics. The irony of it was all too clever. Such a head-bang worthy song, yet it had such a depressing message to it. The lyrics and rhythm contradicted each other.

Looking around to make sure that no one saw me writing these suicidal-suggestive lyrics, I quickly packed the notes away into my textbook, marking the page that we were learning about. I closed the book and rested my head on the table, waiting for class to just be over.

"Mr. Way, have you fully memorized your notes by now?" Mr. Iero had a stern tone to his voice, which made me even more annoyed. I genuinely didn't feel like being questioned right now.

"No sir, but I'm planning to study at home when I have nothing better to be doing." I looked up at him, and he still had this goddamn look on his face that made me want to scream. Why the fuck did he care so much about when and where I studied my notes?