Unexpected Feelings

Chapter 2

Magpapakilala muna ako. My name is Marie, I am 25 years old. Dalawa lang kami nang kuya ko magkakapatid and my kuya is very gwapo. But yung  sinabi niya na gusto niyang lalaki akala ko nagbibiro lang siya. Pero naniniwala ako nung pinakilala niya sakin yung boyfriend niya.

Take note, lalaking-lalaki yung kuya ko so I would never expect na ka barako pala ni kuya ang type niya. I did and will try to support whatever makes him happy, kahit mahirap man tanggapin. Iniisip pa namin kung paano sasabihin ky mama at lalo na ky papa.

I've been in relationships twice but I never felt much love or pain from them, it was not a serious relationship. Yung una, second year high school ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano naging kami, pero naalala ko lang na parang hindi kami mag jowa. Eh paano, pag nakita kami sa school hi, hello, goodbye lang topic namin.

Then, one day bigla nyang sinabi sakin na mag break na kami kasi may bagong jowa daw siya at ayaw niyang magloko sakin at baka daw masasaktan ako. Ha? Ano daw? Paano naging kami? "Okay sige, bye" yung lang ang sinabi ko. Pero nagtataka ako paano naging kami at break na? Ang gulo talaga. Yung pangalawa naman, 4th year high school ako. Sikat siya sa school kasi gwapo then dancer pa. Naging kami thru phone and break up thru phone and that was last for not more than a day oras lang, hindi ko na maalala basta hindi abot isang araw. So, I never literally knows what's the meaning of broken heart and how does it feel to be loved with not my family member.

But not until I met this guy, he was someone special in my heart. He was not my boyfriend but he was my special friend. I met him 3 years ago when I had my on the job training somewhere in the United States. Yes, this is my 2nd time sa US. Yung first US ko, halos lahat nakasalamuha ko ay Pinoy so hindi ako nahirapan noon kasi maraming kapwa pilipino na naging guide namin at kasama namin palagi. Tapos halos nang J1 ay mga Pinoy. Maraming dumating na ibang J1 galing ibang ibang bansa A week before pauwi na ako.

I only know him for a week since my 3 months visa almost end and I need to go home to graduate. He was a shy type and I noticed that he didn't talk much with others like try to mingle or make friends. I always approached him and try to make him comfortable with the others and make friends with them. He was nice and a kind person.

By the time I got home, he confessed that he likes me. But the feelings was not mutual, I told him we can continue being friends. We did continue our friendship thru long distanced communication until I got home, graduated, struggled with finding job until I got hired, go for vacations, he graduated, got a job, problems in life and so on. He was there for me thru my ups and down and so do I to him. We talked about our dreams, what do we like, about life and our darkest secret. Sometimes we did argue about certain things.

Until one day he told me that he got a girlfriend, I decided to block him and stop our communication because I don't want to disturb him and being selfish. I don't know kung totoo ba na meron siyang girlfriend or he was just fooling me because I didn't see any post on his social media na meron siyang girlfriend or maybe they just want it to be private. By time we stop our communication I was feel lonely and sad that sometimes I cried which makes me wondered what does makes me act that way. And then I realise, that I was already fall in love with him thru does days. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siyang bina block sa lahat nang account. It was an immature act.

Then one day I realize that I need to unblock him because I want to confess. But when I stalked his social media I saw a picture of him at ang masasabi ko he was happy with his life now. I can see it thru his eyes and the way he smile. I was cried but at the same time, I was happy that he was happy. I decided not to message him and tell him about my feelings because his smiles and happiness are enough that I should not ruin someone's life. It's better to keep it by myself. I just wish and hope that he's always happy and healthy. However, he was always in my heart as forever be my special friend.