Now or Never

Chapter One

TWO YEARS LATER...

Everything is the same as it was the last time I was here. All the factions are separated into their designated spaces of the room, the center sits the five ceremonial bowls each sixteen year old will be going up to today. But instead of standing amongst the quiet Abnegation as I did before, I'm walking into the Choosing Ceremony with the rowdy Dauntless. The faction I chose that day.

It's been two years since Tobias had found out his mother, the leader of the Factionless, was still alive. Two years since we've decided together we would leave Dauntless once we've found out what they and the Erudite were planning to do together. He believes we're closer to the truth, that's why I'm trying to absorb the rest of my days as a Dauntless as much as possible.

"Why are we here again?" Tara complains, sitting in one of the many rows the Dauntless fill. She looks different now; tattoos on her neck and a few piercings on her face. "I could be drunk by now with the others."

"Because it's ceremonial," Mia smiles, locking her hand around Tara's.

I was happy to see they finally came together after a year of flirting and watching each other date other people. Especially since we're all roommates. But now because they're a couple, I've been kicked out most days and forced to bunk with Tobias.

"And because I wanted to see my brother," I grin at them. Today my little brother, Ethan, will be choosing which faction he chooses to spend the rest of his life in. I've only seen him a handful of times since my last trip to Abnegation my initiation year, but I'm certain he'll be staying where he is. He's always seemed too Abnegation for his own good.

"Do you see him?" Mia tries to look through the sea of people.

"Why are you looking? You don't even know what he looks like" Tara snorts.

Mia ignores her. "He has to look like Mal. Tall, strong jaw, curly hair."

"That could be anyone" Tara starts to look over the sea of people herself.

I roll my eyes, but do as they are. It's not hard to find the grey clothed drones sitting quietly or talking in hushed voices amongst themselves. It's the deciding who's who in the short line of waiting teenagers to be called.

I think I see him until someone else catches my eye. Natalie Prior stands in front of the children choosing today, I almost forgot that she has two of her own Ethan's age. It always seemed strange to me that they were born the same year, but not twins. It feels just like yesterday when I was standing in that very line, probably as nervous as they look.

While I'm looking in their direction, Natalie glances in the Dauntless seating area and finds me. She smiles and offers a small wave, both her children look to see who she's waving to but all I do is nod.

"Who's that?" Mia asks over my shoulder.

I lean back down and look towards the bowls. "One of my old neighbors, I guess her kids are choosing today, too."

"Fun" Mia claps.

"Riveting" Tara mocks, slouching in her chair.

The room falls silent when whichever leader walks to the center of the room. I have to glance over shoulders to see, but I don't bother to try anymore once I see a flash of grey clothing. Marcus Eaton.

"Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony," Marcus begins, "welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in the world,"

"Or woman" Tara mutters under her breath.

"Or chooses how to handle their own children," I say to myself. I can't help but still be riled up by what he's done to Tobias, how much of a toll he's made on his own son.

With that in mind, I look up at the open ceiling into the blue sky as a distraction. I really only came for one particular reason, not to listen to Marcus Eaton talk about tradition.

It must be a while because the next words I hear are someone's name, a boy from Dauntless. James Tucker.

"It's amazing how little you know of your own faction. I've never seen that kid in my whole life" Tara mumbles again, Mia jabs her with her elbow.

We all watch James contemplate between the Candor and Dauntless bowls. He's shaking with the blade in his hand.

I'm not surprised to see he's switched sides, he didn't have the Dauntless stance as many of us do. A few people around me make comments; mostly mumbling "traitor."

The names go on and on, the initiates this year mostly stay where they come from. Only a few people have picked Dauntless, which they've always seen as a good sign. We like looking intimidating.

I just think it's one less person to worry about when Dauntless and Erudite finally come together.

"Prior, Caleb" Marcus reads from a card. He's one of Natalie's kids, I only have one memory of him: at school, however many years ago, he accidentally knocked down a row of books in the library. I offered to help him pick them up, but he refused. I remember how quick the flushing of his cheeks became, how vibrant the red stood out through his pale skin.

Audible gasps come from Abnegation when he chooses Erudite. I myself am taken back by his decision; we're taught from a young age that the Erudite were not good people because they believed in vanity and now a leaders' son decides to join them.

It makes me feel a bit of triumph for him. It takes bravery to stand up to your faction.

"Prior, Beatrice" Marcus calls next.

All my memories of Beatrice are short, she was a toddler the last time we had an actual interaction. The other times were simple hello and goodbyes. Or nods.

Something is awfully familiar about watching her; she stands between the Abnegation and Dauntless bowls. She doesn't shake, she just contemplates quietly with the blade ready to cut into her palm. She reminds me of myself.

"Dauntless" Marcus announces, the sound of the sizzling coals echoing from here. Our faction claps and whoops for our new member, I'm in a bit of a shock. That was a little too much like my own choosing.

"Think you two will be friends?" Mia smiles at me. "She looks like a fighter, just like you."

I force myself out of my gaze to look at Mia. "Yeah, I don't know. We'll see if she even makes the first cut."

"Is this sort of a bet?" Tara smirks.

"What's with you and liking losing your credits? Mia rolls her eyes.

"I'll stop betting when I actually win one" Tara replies simply, pecking Mia's lips.

I try to focus my attention back on the initiates, there's only a handful left; we should be closer to the C's.

Six more...

Five more...

Four more...

Three more...

Two more...

One more...

"Calaway, Ethan." He's amongst the last of the initiates to choose, the third to last.

I shouldn't be worried, I know he's smart enough not to choose a faction because of someone else. He'd choose whatever he feels suits him best, just like what he told me the day before the Ceremony.

I watch him flinch when the knife cuts into him. He looks older than the last time I saw him, taller and broader. The clothes he wears are too big for him, but that's because Ester buys clothes for room to grow.

"Abnegation" Marcus announces. Relief runs through me; he's safe. Ester has gotten too old for her scolding, and now he'll be living away from her so I don't have to worry about that. He's away from Erudite and the Dauntless- that's all I could've asked for.

"Are you happy about this?" Mia asks.

I look at her with a grin, my eyes beginning to sting from the tears that try to fall. "Yeah. Really happy."