To the Beat of My Heart

Epilogue

Christmas comes as a weird and wonderful cap to the batshit year I've had. Christmas is always a time of family and I think it's pretty damn amazing who you call family. It's always changing, a reminder that there are some pretty bloody awesome people out there and you find yourself caring a hell of a lot more than you thought you ever would.

It's a week before Christmas Day and we're video chatting Kai and Ansel. They're in the University Hospital of Dresden. Have been for over a week now. Kai's staying at a nearby hotel, though from what Ansel has said, he hasn't left the hospital's waiting room much. Ansel worries he might be flirting with the nurses but Kai assures him that he's perfectly happy with his man. The hospital specialises in Sarcoma-related cancer treatment and when Ansel starts listing off the expenses, it's no wonder why this tour was almost life-or-death for him. Dropping out the way he did, that can't have been easy. When I say that to him, he frowns.

"Making something of myself," Ansel asserts, sitting up in his hospital bed. He's got a cute cap on and tubes coming out of his nose. He looks weathered, having just recovered from his latest round of chemo, but keeps a smile. "Not just the money... Out there... I'll never be forgotten."

"Don't think anyone could forget you," I smile.

Kai is sitting on a chair by his bed, adjusting the laptop camera so he fits better in the frame. I ask how long he's been in Germany.

"A month now," Kai says, looking to Ansel for affirmation. They're holding hands.

"Kai's been staying with me," Ansel hums.

"What do your parents think of that?" I ask.

Clay snorts. "Fifty quid I know the answer to that!"

"They love me!" Kai insists, adopting a massive schoolboy grin. "Practically their stepson, mate!"

"They... tolerate him," Ansel answers with a laugh that's more cough. Everyone laughs, but I can't hold the joy. As Clay and Kai go back and forth about Ansel whipping his man and tending to his bad habits, I can tell Ansel has noticed my demeanour changing.

"Fletcher... Big smiles. I'll be fine!"

"I'm... glad you can have an optimistic outlook."

"I feel like I can't die... Like I refuse to. I have a boyfriend, my ma and pa. You guys and our next adventure!" He spreads his hands out wide and pretends to hold a massive axe, bringing it down in a broad stroke. "And I have a promise to Oscar, to my friends from school. We need our reunion!"

"Take it easy," Kai teases. "Let's just get through this round and we'll see if you have the strength for that."

I actually super admire Kai right now. Not too long ago he was hammering on that Ansel could commit himself fully to the stage, but now he's taken a step back from his more outlandish stubbornness. He's still obviously uber defensive of his partner, but it's a need to keep him healthy and happy just as much. As Leo would say, mad respect.

"Hey, man," Clay says, "you're always welcome on my tours, but I want to see you headlining your own shows. The world needs more of you centre stage. Same for you, man," he adds, addressing Kai.

"Nah..." Kai mutters, shaking his head. He clasps his other hand around Ansel's and presses his lips to his knuckles. "Not a centre guy myself. Just happy to be this one's support."

"I. Love. This," Clay exclaims, practically swooning. "Like guys, I'm best man at your wedding."

Kai shrugs. "Don't know if we're quite at that stage." He smirks. "What does that make Fletcher?"

"He can be my best man," Ansel answers. "Oh Scheisse!" he exclaims, face drooping. "Sorry, Fletcher... Oscar gets that spot."

"I understand. I'd just be happy to be there. I could be your DJ! How does that sound?"