For whatever reason today, I ended up walking down the halls with Michael and Luke. Walking next to Michael was not a huge deal, meanwhile walking next to Luke felt like I was naked. I knew people were looking and I tried my best to ignore it but it's not the easiest thing. Thankfully we made our way past the crowd, but that didn't stop this from happening...
"Luke, my main man." Some overly muscular guy said, making me instantly move over and cling to Michael.
Michael could tell I was uncomfortable, which could easily be seen and should be expected since I don't at all do well in any social situation. I was still amazed at myself for talking to the two idiots, but Luke didn't seem to notice, or care, I'm not sure which one. Why Michael and I didn't just walk off? Well, I don't know but boy that would've been the better opinion.
"Who is this freak?" The guy taunted pointing to me and I didn't let it affect me because get real! It's coming from someone whose IQ is probably half the number of what I weigh.
"Uh, no one." Luke sputtered out and that should've been my sign to walk away right then.
"Never seen her around before, she's a cute thing though, be good for a one night stand." It was so typical I had to try my best not to laugh though I felt Michael's hold on me tighten and Luke's facial expression furrow.
"Sean, leave her alone." Luke spoke up.
"Oh, is she something to you?" He asked genuinely, probably because Luke is well Luke and could smash his face in and ruin his reputation but that's just a guess.
"No, not at all. She's just my tutor." Ouch.
I tried my best to easily break out of Michaels grip and walk off, not wanting to run away with tears streaming down my face but that hurt. I didn't expect him to go around showing me off as some prized possession but for him to not even admit we're friends? I don't even know anymore, were we? I didn't ask to hangout with him around school, in fact I knew this was a bad idea. Maybe I was overreacting, I wasn't sure and at the time, I didn't care.
"Violet, wait up!" Michael.
"Vi, he's an idiot." At least even Michael could tell of his screw up.
"Don't call me that." I snapped, guilt instantly filling me.
"I'm sorry Michael, Luke calls me that and my thoughts are all over the place right now, I need a break from him."
"You know he didn't mean it like anything, Violet." Michael tried to reassure.
"Really? Him being too ashamed to admit he so much as talks to me on his own will isn't anything, right? See, this is exactly why I never wanted friends. Maybe I'm just being dramatic but this, this hurt I'm feeling in this exact moment is the reason why I stay away from everyone. I'm not use to the friend thing and quite frankly I don't think I'm going to sit and give Luke chance after chance because I can't be bothered. I need time to myself, tell him don't bother contacting me for a while, if he even cares."
"You aren't overreacting, but I think you do need time to think everything over. Just please don't let one idiot thing he does affect whether or not you continue to have friends, okay?" I didn't know how to respond so I just went in for the hug and whispered a quiet "thank you."
Luke turned the corner walking to us but I ran off before he officially got to us even though he looked panicked. I heard him call after me but once it stopped I figured Michael had held him back from going any further, which I was very thankful for because as of right now I can hardly think straight.
-
The next few days consisted of texts and voicemails from Luke that I didn't bother even taking a glance at. Then the next couple weeks consisted of me going back to my old habits and I felt weak. As weak as I could possibly get. I was suppose to be trying to get better but by going back to my old ways as soon as I'm not talking to Luke anymore makes me feel like I was just trying to get better for him.
There's nothing wrong with that but this is the proof right here that once he's gone, so is my strength not to do any of these things. Maybe it's just because I don't have the distraction and support, or the constant worry in the back of my mind that he's going to check my skin or watch what I eat.
My mom was getting worse than ever and my sister and father were never home which meant I was here for her to take everything she felt out on. I couldn't take it so I walked out of the house, not knowing exactly where to go. I didn't feel like driving anywhere so I decided on walking.
I sent the occasional text to Michael and Ashton to let them know I'm "okay." I was glad I had them in my life and that they were still here even though I'm sure they report just about anything I say back to Luke.
From: Ashy
Come over? (:
From: Ashy
And before you ask, no, Luke is not here and isn't scheduled to be back for a couple hours x
To: Ashy
On my way x
-
"Michael told me what happened."
"Of course he did." I chuckled.
"Yeah, it explains why you haven't been around and why Luke has been moping around."
"I'm sure he's just fine, Ashton. Remember? I'm just a tutor to him." I tried to joke around but I'm sure the hurt in my voice was evident.
"You know he didn't mean it like that, I'm sure he had a valid reason for why he said that. Luke isn't the type of person to care about his reputation over someone very important to him. Just let him explain sometime, yeah?"
"Maybe, Ashton, maybe."
We watched a couple new movies we both wanted to see and I knew soon that I should head out because I in no way wanted to be running into Luke at his own apartment, yet I seemed to be too late.
Luke walked in and his initial thought was to ask if I was okay since I was here and hadn't talked to him in weeks but of course I wasn't okay. What made it 10 times worse is the fact he walked in with a girl, and as my heart clenched I knew I had developed some type of feelings for the àsshole standing in front of me.
I ran past him and out the door, once again, not wanting to deal with the situation I was put in. I didn't know what to think of Luke right now and I knew I should give him a chance to explain but part of me didn't want to. I had no choice as he grabbed my wrist and turned me around to be met with his saddened expression.
-
Where did this come from idk I'm sorry don't hate luke yet ok
