Book Reviews (CFCU - Sorry!!)

BHANUMATI Review

BHANUMATI by BHARATA_BHARGAVA

Overal Review:
This story is a family drama/love story in which is based around Indian traditions and lifestyles. The story is about 2 polar opposite girls who end up in the same place, both aspiring dancers, both going against their families wishes however different dances and different motives. For one its a dream and for the other it's all about the money, she doesn't understand the craft of the art dance gives. A story of family betrayal, achieving your greatest dreams and understanding the difference between what's important and not - a story with a meaning.

Positives/What I enjoyed:
- I feel like the story is going to go in a direction in which Bhanumati achieves her dreams, despite what everyone thought. If this isn't the case I think you should do it (obviously if you want) because this gives your story meaning. What I mean by this is it would mean your story has a hidden meaning and not just for entertainment - this would be (the hidden meaning) to tell people to always follow their dreams, no matter what because if you belive and work hard enough it can come true🤷🏻‍♀️🙃

- I like Kalavathi character, I find her rather interesting however I would like/think it would be good if you did more of a backstory on how she became so money originated, it's your choice how you do this but an example could be "Kalavathi doesn't care for anything besides money, this is because she lived a poor life, she thought she was deprived of so much fancier things because of it, she thought from a young age if she was going to do anything it would be to earn as much money as she can, so she can show off to everyone and do her family right. They would no longer be seen as a poor family" in other words she had altier motives to wanting the money than any one knows and she is oblivious to what she is doing/how it wrong to have that personality (and I do low-key start to get this vibe near the end of chapter 2 (I think) when she starts to sell her chastity) and because of not knowing her wrong she slowly pushed her family away and thought they were selfish and in turn her mindset changed to no one should be given the time of day. (This is just an idea, but I think it would make your story more interesting)

- I like the names you have given each character, they are out of the ordinary and interesting - are they common Indian names?

- Its good/ I approve of the use of videos in some chapters of the dancing, I think this because it helps people who don't know what classical/Indian type dance is to know,so I would definitely keep them(just incase you ever question them being there)

Constructive critism:
- You use many (???) and (!!!) in a sentence, this is improper and problematic - it makes the work unprofessional and hard to read to some. You should only ever use one this includes not doing this (?!) as this only happens in comics and possibly poems(as they defy proper grammer and punctuation) but never in stories unless your character is reciting a comic or something but that is it in the rare case.

If you are trying to create lots of excitement (for example) instead of using (!!!!) use more description and dive further into what is exciting for example instead of saying "which is dance!!!" when expressing her love for dance instead make it more personal and sentimental like showing/ expanding in how she felt and giving experiences to when she was a child for example "she only loved one thing - dance! To many it seemed like a hopeless, out of the ordinary thing to dream of but Bhanumati loved it, she loved the way the music flew through her viens making her feel like she belonged to the amazing world of classical music, a whole generation of jazzy, upbeat dance - how they swinged and moved their arms was just fascinating to her, creating an ever lasting love, no - a desire/passion to dance." or something like that - do you get what I mean?

- Another way to express excitement/ show a question is to actually add info after the sentence like "she question, in a serious tone" or "she squeaks excitedly, feeling her mouth slowly twitch into a smile" etc :)

- I think the story is a little rushed - especially with the love! Create more chapters or scenarios to help the men gradually fall in love with the woman and visa versa as at the moment their instant love is a little unbelievable/ unrealistic and doesn't make reader feel as connected as they could be to the characters.

Overal thoughts:
Overal, I think the storyline and plot is interesting and would make a real heartwarming story if you add the notes I have given - the main ones being to sort the (!!!) and (???) out and to make the story slower as I think that's a big let down at the moment apart from those small things though, the story is pretty good - just need to improve the writing side of it but the idea is there :)

Personal rate: 5.5/10
Needs improvement but was still a good read ☺️ don't give up, your dreams are worth it just like Bhanumati 🙁🙃