False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 62

My face falls into my hands as my elbows rest on the hard table in front of me. "I'm such a fuck up mom. I'm sorry."

"Rose, stop that." She sighs, rubbing her hand up and down my back. "Tell me this, did you ever see a future with that boy? Did you see the white picket fence and the dog and kids running around?"

I shake my head 'no'.

"Exactly, did you ever see those things with Dave though?" This causes my body to stiffen, and while I didn't see it, the woman smiled. "Do you still want those things with Dave?"

A choked sob escapes my mouth as I think back to the small taste of domestic life I got with Dave while in California. The dark-haired singer messes with my head and that alone bothers the hell out of me. How am I supposed to move on when all I can think about is him? Three years and nothing has helped.

"I'd never tell you how to live your life ever again, you know that. However, I think it's time you try to forgive the guy and at least fix your friendship. You're never going to be able to move on if you don't have closure and seeing a magazine article about him marrying another woman isn't closure honey." I knew she was right but couldn't admit it to myself.

Dave and I are keeping one another from finding happiness, whether it be together or apart. He said it himself, he almost didn't go through with his wedding because of me and then proceeded to cheat on his wife because he wasn't happy in his marriage...

"How could I possibly get closure now mom?" I sit up straight, almost knocking my chair over in the process. "It's three years too late now. We kind of just agreed to start fresh."

My mother shakes her head as I get to my feet. "Rose, just because you white out a few words on a piece of paper, it doesn't mean they've disappeared. Someone can easily some along and scrap the covering off down the road. You and Dave won't truly fix this unless you guys come clean to each other about everything..."

"Stop being so logical for once, would you?" I throw my hands up in frustration, squeezing my eyes shut. "It's not so simple mom. Our lives are so different now. We're different people than we were three years ago."

The older woman holds her ground though, placing her hands on her hips as she stares me down. "If the two of you are so different now, then why are you still in love with each other? Answer that for me." Silence fills the room and after a few failed attempts as responding to her question, my mother smirks.

"That's what I thought." My mother sighs, "When Dave came by that day, he apologized to me Rose. He felt terrible for what he put you though and said he deserved what you did to him. He blames himself for everything and you say the exact same thing. The two of you are trying to formulate this 'new' relationship overtop the broken glass of your last one."

Before I have the chance to respond, my little brother tugs lightly at my hand, pulling my attention away from the heated discussion. The sight of his confused face causes all of my anger to subside. "RoRo can you please stop yelling at mom?"

"I-" The fact that my six year old brother had to step in makes me sick, a silent reminder of the days where I stood in his shoes. Kneeling down, I place a shaky hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Rhys..."

More tears threaten to fall as the young boy threw his arms around my body, holding on as tightly as his small arms could manage. "Don't cry. Hugs stop people from being sad, that's what my teacher told me."

"Yeah?" I choke back a sob and hide my sadness with a smile, brushing my fingers through his salty curls. "Your teacher would be right."

With a sigh, our mother takes a seat in my chair, tears in her own eyes as she watches us interact. "Sweetheart, I'll love you no matter what you do, but if you don't fix this soon, you're going to tear yourself apart from the inside. Dave wants to fix your relationship, but he's just as scared as you are."