False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 30

"The Echoes And Silence, Patience And Grace"

December 9, 1991

London, England

I was pacing. I knew it, but no matter how hard I try, I couldn't force myself to stop. My hands move to the base I'd my spine, pausing momentarily to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Two days.

It had been two days since Kurt kissed me and it was slowly eating me alive from the inside. My cold palms move up to my face, bringing a sense of relief to my overheated skin, before pulling my bangs back.

So far, Kurt kept his promise of 'pretending it never happened', but no matter how hard I try, a wave of guilt crashes over me every time I lock eyes with my long haired boyfriend.

I hate lying to him, and ever since he joined Nirvana, it seems like that's all I do. Slowly digging myself a deeper hole every day...

"Come on." I didn't have time to process Shelli's demand before her hand wrapped around my wrist. She darts through the crowds of people trying to reach their terminal before peeling off into an empty women's restroom.

Once the two of us were inside the nearby handicap stall, she slid the lock shut and put her full attention on me. "What is up with you Rose? You've been jittery since we left France and all of us are getting worried. You aren't even talking to Dave."

My body collapses against the cool white walls, arms crossing over my chest as I do whatever I can to avoid eye contact with my best friend. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that shit Rosemary Ann," Her tone reminding me of a mother scolding her young child, "Look me in the fucking eye and tell me there's nothing bothering you."

She knows I can't.

Our blue eyes meet, and what was left of my resolve shattered.

"K-Kurt kissed me Shell," My hand comes up to silence my sobs so other commuters who enter the restroom wouldn't become curious. "He kissed me, and I kissed him back. Now I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do because he told me to forget it ever happened. Every time I look at Dave though..." Another choked sob comes from my mouth.

I wasn't expecting her to be so understanding.

She wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling my head into her chest as we sink to the dirty floor. Not caring that we could probably get a disease from doing more than just standing on it. "Tell me everything..."

And I did. Starting from the very first day we met; all the calculating stares, him singing Sappy to me, the almost kiss in their apartment, and the two most recent events. Throughout it all, she kept a straight face. Saying encouraging words any time I felt myself becoming choked up or at a loss for words. "I can't lose him... Dave, he's everything to me. I would die if I didn't have him."

"I can assure you; you wouldn't die." Her hand rubs up and down my arm lightly, "Do you want my honest opinion?" I can only nod, "Kurt, he likes what he can't have. I knew from day one that you intrigued him, but I didn't think he'd actually pursue you like this. The best thing you and Dave can do is take this break for yourselves. Don't tell him. Shit happens on tours all the time, and one little kiss? That's not something to burden your relationship with."

Her hand moves up to wipe away some of the mascara that ran down my face. "He can read me like a book. The guy already knows something's up."

"Just make a small excuse," She responds immediately, "Tell him you haven't been feeling well and just want to be home already. Emphasize how you are excited to finally have alone time and mention doing something the two of you haven't in a while. Just forget about Kurt; forget about Seattle and Nirvana. Just be Dave and Rose for a couple days."