Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(30) Seeing red

"Cam!" Jace yells, stepping forwards, in front Raphael, who stumbles back, fear and surprise in his eyes.

However, before I get closer, I quickly feel the strength of two arms wrapping around me from behind, enveloping around my arms as they restrict my movement, keeping my in place. I struggle against their hold, screaming and thrashing in anger, my eyes trained furiously on Raphael and in that moment all I wanted was him dead, just as Simon was.

All I could see was red.

"Camilla" Alec whispers, "Please, it's going to be okay"

The hold around me loosens slightly, and at the sound of Alec's voice my movements slow, the red beginning to fading and anger beginning to slip away as I come back to reality, no longer focused on Raphael but rather consumed by the electric feeling of Alec's warmth against me.

I felt myself calm.

"Camilla, drop the blade, I don't want you to hurt yourself" He pleads into my neck, one of his hands, slipping down my arm and wrapping gently around my hand, and I simultaneously relax my hold on the blade, feeling my eyes fog over and my throat tighten. I swiftly release my hold on the weapon and as the echoing clang of the metal hits the floor, I immediately burst into tears; gasps and whimpers escaping me.

Alec instantly turns my body towards him, and I wrap my arms around his waist, fisting his shirt as he hold me up, my knees far too weak to keep me standing.

"I know, baby, I know." Alec mutters into my hair, one hand soothingly stroking my back whilst the other tangles into my locks, keeping my shaking figure close to his body.

I felt all my emotions wash over me, and in that moment the only thing that kept me strong and alive was Alec's unwavering hold on me.

I knew he wasn't going to let me down.

"I never meant for this to happen, I truly am sorry" Raphael mutters, and the sound of his voice, sincere or not, sobers me and I swiftly pull back from Alec, knowing we had been there a while. Ignoring his pained and confused expression, I step back and lean against an abandoned table nearby, my hands coming up to roughly wipe away the tears.

Crying wasn't going to bring Simon back.

My eyes instead fall upon Clary as she sobs into his chest, begging for him to come back and despite every bone in my body aching for me to go wrap my arms around her and console her, all I could do was stay rooted in place, and hold back the tears.

I wasn't in any place to help her, I couldn't even help myself.

"People will be wondering what we found outside the perimeter." Jace states, his gaze lifting between Alec and Izzy, knowing that if people found out about Simon there would be a huge problem.

I couldn't be mad at them for thinking logically, they were right.

"Alec, you should go" I state, making his eyes instantly shoot to me, a look of questioning and pain flickering over him, but I merely look away. "You're realistically the only one who can keep your mother at bay, we can't have them finding out about this... Please"

He seems to stiffen for a moment, the sadness in his eyes clearly pleading with me, he evidently wanted to stay with me but I knew that the only thing that would do is hurt me more, make me more vulnerable. Noticing my unwavering stance, he sighs, disappointed, before nodding.

'll tell them we didn't find anything. Nobody will come down here.' He states, glancing once more at me before retreating back up the steps.

My heart aches as I watch him leave.