Truly-Madly-Deeply Assistant

Stubborn mind, aching heart

He just asked me to move in with him and I ruined it... I ruined everything. He was so happy, so excited and my overthinking self just crashed it. I wanted to live with him, damn, I did!

But looking around this "house", I just didn't feel it... I could try to furnish it, make it homey... but it was so intimidatingly big that I couldn't help but see myself here all alone all those times when Jared will be away, and it was unflattering.

This lifestyle is so not me nor my wallet.

Felt like Jared was in the bathroom awfully long, but then again, who knows how far the bathroom is.

I slowly walked back out to the car to sit in and after like fifteen minutes he finally walked back out, sunglasses on he slid into the driver's seat.

Looking at him I saw his flushed cheek and the redness of the tip of his nose and my heart flinched seeing these so obvious signs of him crying. He always rubs his nose when he cries, almost as a reflex so later if caught he can blame it on allergies or whatever. It was one of his weird things he did ever since I knew him and been close enough to reckon he was crying.

I felt a knot in my stomach as I put on my seat belt, Jared doing the same, seeing as he shook his hair more into his face in the process what hid him so well from me.

"So... want me to drop you at yours or wanna come back to mines?" he asked, sounding surprisingly neutral.

"I uh..." I peeked to him uncertain. "I go to yours if..." I saw him grabbing the stirring wheel stronger, clenching into it finger by finger; he was holding in the anger. "Just to grab my stuffs, I have to go... do some laundry, grab some things..." I muttered.

"Alright," he nodded. "You might wanna stay at yours for the week. I wanna get to moving. Get settled before we..." he stopped, peering at me before he sighed. "Just... open the glove box," he instructed and I swallowed hard, doing as told. "There... the envelope."

I reached for the white envelope with a ribbon attached to it and Jared's handwriting which read: Welcome home, Av.

"Don't..." he sighed. "Just forget the writing and open it!" he growled.

I looked at him then back down to the envelope, trying to hold back the burning tears as I gently ripped it open.

Inside were two papers which I pulled out, revealing two tickets with our names on them. First class to Edinburgh, Scotland. Right after the tickets two door keys fell out into my palms.

"The flight is in three weeks. Was planning to go see Lynn; she knows about it... then surprise your Mom by spending your birthday there," he explained. "The keys... well... just keep them anyway."

I nodded, gulping as tears quickly escaped my eyes. I was never angrier at myself.

"It's... amazing plan..." I whispered, wiping my tears as I looked up to Jared who just kept looking at the road with a straight face.

"Is it? Because, you know... I bought both tickets..." he muttered mockingly.

"Jared I..." I looked to him with falling tears. "I'm so sorry..." I chocked.

"Stop it! I told you, forget it! I'm not gonna force you to move in with me."

I took a deep breath trying to talk my mind, but he was so cold; whatever I would say now, I know he would only react negatively. Even if I told him how much this all means to me... How I am so stupid, how I would go to the end of the world with him, how I really really would like to live with him.

The next ten minutes ride back to his place was quiet. Painfully quiet.

Getting out of the car, he quickly disappeared into the office with an excuse to make a call, while I went upstairs to gather my stuffs into a tote bag before I walked back downstairs.