forever my baby

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

we end up leaving and walking to the park with maddy in between me and my dad, holding our hands. "have you talked to your mother?" my dad asks. nope.

"not since my birthday. why?" i look at him. "she called me asking about you, she's worried." i scoff. "worried? why would she worry about me? i'm fine. we're fine."

"she thinks that you might need help? i don't know, you know your mother. she wants to be more involved in your life. not just yours, madeline's too." my dad says and i bite the inside of my cheek. "she knows where we live." i say simply.

"but she doesn't feel welcomed. maybe you should call her." he says. i guess. "sure." we get to the park and maddy lets go of our hands.

"mommy can i see daddy?" she says facing me. "what?" i'm caught off guard. "where's daddy?" i freeze. i look at my dad and he shrugs. "he's... at his house. now go play." i point towards the park. "can he play with me?" her big brown eyes look up at me. it's impossible to say no. "sure... i'll call him." fuck!

she runs off towards the slide and i look at my dad. "you should call him too." he says before leaving me to go watch her.

i pull my phone out and go to the phone app. i take a big breath as i look at my contacts. i didn't need to look for him, i still knew his number by heart. i dial the numbers then call him. i clear my throat as i hear the ringing.

he answers and i freak out. "hey, maddy and i are at the park, she wants you to come...yeah that park... okay... i'll see you then." i say and quickly hang up.

that wasn't so hard.

i walked over to my dad and stood next to him watching little me make friends on the slide. "he's coming." i cross my arms. there's silence.

"can i talk to you bear?" he turns to me and i sigh. "what is it?" i'm already defensive. "when are you going to forgive him and let him back into your life?"

i wasn't expecting that.

"oh this is a serious talk." i laugh nervously. then i remember i'm an adult now. "sorry. let's sit down real quick." i sigh and walk to the park bench with my father.

i could already tell where this is going. he's going to make me feel bad and try to make me look at things in parkers point of view.

"don't tell your brother but when i found out your mother was pregnant with noah i wanted her to get an abortion." he says completely catching me off guard. "you wanted mom to kill noah?" i gasp not believing him. "i just turned nineteen and we had plans to go to college and we just couldn't afford to raise a kid."

...

"so you're telling me you and mom were in the exact same situation i was in and mom had the nerve to almost disown me?"

i can't even get mad, i've always known my mom was a hypocrite but wow this was news to me.

"you know how your mom is... anyways we were kids just like you. in an nineteen year old boys mind, i was freaking out. i wasn't ready to be a dad." i look at the park making sure i see her. "dad what are you trying to tell me?"

"i'm trying to tell you to take it easy on parker. yes he made a mistake, he left you even when he promised to stay but he's realized his mistakes and now he's owning up to them. he's trying to be there for you guys. some fathers don't even attempt to try. maddy clearly wants him in her life-"

"dad seriously? it's not like i'm not letting him see her. it's just hard, he reminds me of everything i went through. whenever he asks to see her, i let him and vice versa. you want me to let him back into my life? he's never left. parker will always be in my life no matter what happens between us. we have a kid together."

"i didn't say that, what i'm trying to say is that you should give him a second chance." my eyebrows raise. "a second chance to what? be my boyfriend? you know i'm with mason why would you say that?" i stand up. i can feel myself starting to panic. everything was starting to get overwhelming. i wish people would look at things from my perspective, parker traumatized me.

i hate this so much. the overthinking, the constant worrying about things i had no control over, the feeling of being claustrophobic when asked too many questions. when did i become such a headcase? i wish i could be seventeen year old bri again. i was normal. semi-normal.

"never mind. forget i said anything, i wasn't trying to get you upset." he reaches for me. "i'm not upset dad. i just-" maddy screams and i quickly turn around. "daddy!" she goes down the slide then runs up to parker.

i relax knowing she was fine. i watch parker pick her up and spin around with her. as much as i hated it, she was so happy when parker was around. sometimes i wondered if she got confused. i wonder if she thinks mason is also her dad. i wonder if she wonders whens the next time she'll see parker again.

my love life has been a mess in the past and to be honest three years later and it still was. not necessarily with mason, it's just awkward and the tension is crazy everytime parker and mason are in the same room together. which happens often considering i have a kid with my ex.

this whole situation is messed up but it is what it is.

"hey bri." his voice breaks me out of my thoughts. "hey parker."