Starting Over - Loki (COMPLETE)

37) Questions

A few hours later, Loki felt well enough to leave his bed. His magic was totally drained and he was by no means rested but he could still drag himself to lie on the sofa in front of the television. However, when he entered the self-prescribed communal area, Loki paused because there stood Thor, talking boisterously with an uncertain Bruce and a disbelieving Steve. There was no-one else in sight.

Despite Loki's quiet tread, Thor, a trained hunter, heard him enter and turned. He stared, whether because of Loki's no doubt dishevelled appearance or his surprise at seeing him out of bed, he did not know. Loki spoke up.

"We need to talk, Thor."

His voice, though quiet, conveyed immediate obedience. Thor instantly moved away from the other two and came to stand before him.

"Loki," he said, eyes wrinkled in concern, "You should not be up."

"You shouldn't be here," replied Loki, arms wrapped around himself.

No matter how old they were, Thor could always make him feel like a petulant, moody teenager once again. Although hurt at the rejection, Thor did not cease his attempts to cajole Loki back to his bed, to rest.

"You were hurt, you should not be standing for so long_"

"You should not be here," Loki repeated coldly. "Tony told you to leave and that wish coincides with one of mine."

He knew that only his own word would force Thor to leave him be.

"You were not meant for this planet," he continued harshly. "You, Asgardians, none of you. You're all loud and violent when matters can be solved with words and discussion. I want you to go back to Asgard and I want you to do it now."

Loki was a Frost Giant with a heart of ice. He'd better not feel a tear threatening to burst from his tear duct.

Thor seemed taken aback.

"As long as that is your wish and not the wishes of mere mortals," he stated, casting disgusted looks at Steve and Bruce who he'd only shortly before been talking to.

"No mortal can warp my mind," Loki pointed out. "That wish is mine and mine alone."

With a tremble, Loki realised that there'd been a time when his mind had not been his own and his wishes forced on him, indoctrinated. However, he had fought back and he would do better to forget that time.

"Very well," Thor answered, his voice now cold as well. "Goodbye Loki."

Resisting the urge to call out 'and hopefully for the last time' like Tony certainly would have done, Loki watched his pseudo-brother go, feeling only relief that Thor was finally leaving.

"Are you okay, Loki?" Bruce asked, walking over to him with a concerned look on his face.

Loki felt a stab of rage at everyone who thought they could ask how he, a god, was doing, but then reminded himself that this was Bruce. Not a hostile, a friend. He shook himself of those obtrusive thoughts. Thor's presence had reminded him of his time in the Void and those memories affected him more than he'd like to admit.

"I'm fine, thank you, Bruce," he said, knowing that his ashen face probably signalled otherwise.

"I hate to sound like a broken record," continued the kindhearted doctor, "But you really should be resting."

"I am physically unharmed," Loki replied monotonously. "My magic is drained but that will come back eventually. It just relies on some life force to rejuvenate itself."

He instantly regretted his words when Bruce looked even more worried.

"It feeds on you?" He asked, incredulous.

"Feeling fatigued is a small price to pay for the wonder of seidr," Loki answered sardonically. "As I said, I'm fine."

"We only want to be sure," Steve spoke up. "You've proven that you're somebody who, well, hides things. We're a team and so we have to work together, even if it means sharing things we don't want to."

"I'm not even part of the team," Loki sneered dismissively, walking off.

"Yes you are," Steve said determinedly.

Loki turned round, unsure of why he wanted to fight with them. Was it the memory of Thor stirring his anger? Or was it the tendrils of past memories eating away at his patience and resolve?

"Loki," Steve continued, quieter, "You were part of this team even as a consultant. You were the tactician, a watchful eye overseeing our progress. You can still do that as an Avenger."

"And what if I don't want to fight?" Loki asked.

Steve seemed defeated.

"None of us ever wanted to fight," he said quietly.

Bruce, next to him, watched Loki with the same sadness. Loki knew, more than the others, how little Bruce had wanted to become the Hulk.

"But it's our duty. We fight for those who cannot fight themselves."

"Then I'll stand with you," Loki answered. "I had to know that you were doing it for the right reasons."

"We would never do this for fame or recognition," agreed Bruce. "This is for other people."

"We protect people," Steve said and then added Tony's previous words. "And, if we can't protect them, we'll avenge them."

"Thor never fought for that reason," Loki mused, unsure of why he was mentioning his childhood companion. "He fought so that people could tell of his greatness and that bards would sing about him and the people would feast and revel in his honour. Asgardians prize fighting but for honour's sake, not for the sake of others."

"We're not Asgardians," Steve answered with a small smile. "Just mere mortals who care about you."

Loki smiled back, grateful that Steve had managed to twist Thor's derogatory comment about 'mere mortals' into something positive.

"I thank you both for your kindness," he said simply. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

Steve and Bruce smiled encouragingly at him and Loki then realised, albeit slowly, that perhaps, just perhaps, they did know.

*****

A.N. Just a little feel good ending for you. :)

Thank you so much for getting this far!