UNBROKEN

FIFTIETH INSTALMENT

The night of your wedding is supposed to be romantic. My dream night would have been rose petals on a bed in a hotel room. Champagne would have been poured and romance would have been in the air.

Well my night was far from it. Because the resort had double booked we had to stay in the old caravan up the back of the property. There were no flower, champagne or candles. The light didn't work and the bed smelt as we had been having a bit of rain so it was a damp smell. Grant did not try and carry me over the threshold as all girls dream. I walked up the rusty old stairs with Grant behind me.

Grant was a bit drunk so our night was spent with me laying watching the ceiling and Grant snoring. I cried that night and not tears of happiness all my emotions had built up. I was asking myself;
1. Did I do this just so Ava had a Dad ?
2. Did I do this so I wasn't alone and was safe?
3. I'm to young for this.

To be honest you are suppose to have your heart sing when you are happy and mine wasn't. It had been crying for years. Broken in to pieces and I was hoping it would be glued back together. Then it dawned on me to pull myself together I was now a married woman and I had to look after my husband and daughter. I finally fell asleep.

When we woke the next day all our family and friends where out cooking a breakfast BBQ. I spent time with them all. Mum was so happy this day. You could see her beaming as she was proud of me and she really liked Grant. Everyone loved Grant so why was I not feeling it?

Pa walked over to me and put his arm around me "how are you feeling today sweetheart" he said quietly to me as he leant down. "Not bad Pa, I think it must have been all the plans and having all our family here, I must have been nervous" I replied. Pa looked at me and smiled. The look in his eyes told me he knew I was lying but he didn't say anything more about it. "You will always be welcome at Pa's you know that don't you Emily", "I do Pa. I love you" I replied. His words actual made me melt. As I write this I have the same feeling I had that day. I have tears in my eyes and I can hear his words exactly as he said them. " I love you too Emily and I always will" he leant over and kissed my cheek so very gently. He always, always knew how to make you feel like you were the only one that mattered. I am pretty sure he made the rest of my cousins feel the same but I saw Pa as my hero and I always will.

Later that day everyone started to leave and we had to pack to get ready to go. After everything was packed we said our goodbyes to Grant's parents, put Ava in the car and started our long trip home. The one thing this entire time I didn't have to think about was Jay. As we neared our home all the fears rushed back. What if he had been there? What if he came whilst we were unpacking? As I was thinking this Grant touched my leg and said "We're nearly home, don't worry about Jay Emily we will make sure he never comes near you again". I just smiled a fake smile. I know he was trying to make me feel better and it truly was nice that he realised what was going through my head but no one could every stop Jay. If Jay wanted to get me he would.

The next day Grant went back to work and I left with Ava early in the morning to go and spend time with some of my cousins as they lived about 45 minutes away. I couldn't have stayed in that house by myself. These daily trips happened everyday for months until one day Grant came home and told me that he had been posted to Western Australia.

"I can't move all the way to Western Australia and leave my Mum and Barry and everyone that I know" I said to Grant. I felt like he was trying to ripe my life apart. Take me and Ava away from everyone we knew and loved to a place we would know no one. "Emily let's go chat to your Mum and see what she thinks. At least this way you won't have to worry about hiding from Jay. We will be on the other side of Australia and I'm sure he won't come there". I walked in and woke Ava from her sleep "we're going to see Nanny baby girl" I said to her quietly as she was still half asleep. "Nana" she said excitedly then fell back asleep. Ava had the same look on her face when I mentioned Nanny (my mum) as I did when I saw or spoke of my Pa.