As Happy As I've Never Been...

~Chapter Thirteen~

                “I was? “ He asks, the look turning into one of pity.

                “You were, and you know what? I got hurt, imagine that!” I say sarcastically.

                “Rachel…” He says, looking up to me, I hadn’t noticed he had been looking at the ground.

                “What?” I ask, my throat burning, but I still managed to make it harsh.

                “I just want to make this better.” He says, he’s tearing up, and it’s painful.

                “Please Ed. There’s almost no way to make this better.” I say.

                “Not even if I found out your favorite song?” He asks, more light heartedly, but the tears are still there.

                “Maybe then, but I doubt you’d be able to.” I say, “Good bye Ed.” I say and close the door, as soon as it’s closed he starts playing, and my breath catches in my throat. My favorite song, the song that colored my child hood and made me believe in love, which was something I hadn’t known. It’s a song that showed me that true love does exist and could be obtained. I automatically rip open the door and watch as Ed starts to sing the first verse.

                “I just want to see you when you're all alone. I just want to catch you if I can. I just want to be there when the morning light explodes. On your face it radiates, I can't escape…” He sings and plays as a tear rolls down my face. Oh course, Harry told him. I used to talk to Harry a lot during the summer, and when I was convinced that Love You Till the End by The Pogues was my favorite song, he was the only one I told. The fact he told Ed is a little betraying, but still sweet. I can see where a couple tears have fallen down his pale face, but he keeps singing and playing.

                “I love you 'till the end

I just want to tell you nothing you don't want to hear. All I want is for you to say, ‘Oh why don't you just take me where I've never been before?’ I know you want to hear me, catch my breath.

I love you 'till the end

I love you 'till the end

I love you 'till the end

I love you 'till the end” He sings to me, his blue eyes focus on me as he repeats the last line. I know I look like a mess. I didn’t wash off my messed up makeup before bed last night, and I'm sick and have been crying. I realize this and I shove my face in my hands and lean against the wall of our entrance way and slide down it so I'm sitting on the ground.

“Rachel.” He says slightly shocked, and I can feel him step over the threshold and he has his hands on my arms. I don’t even care at the moment; I just keep my face in my hands as my throat burns and the tears wretch my entire body. God, it’s so unlike me to cry this much, but I guess I'm just not ok with all this attention. I mean, I want to be famous and well liked, that type of attention I can handle. But guys? Screw that, that’s too difficult.

Sitting here on the ground like this is super weird, but I have no intention of moving right now, my face is too over welled with tears and redness.

“Rachel, please uncover your face luv.” Ed says and I can feel that he’s trying to comfort me, but I don’t care. I'm going to be selfish and not care. I can feel Ed shift so he’s sitting next to me, on the side that doesn’t have the doorframe. He puts an arm over my shoulder and wraps the other one around my front so that he’s hugging me. Finally, I give up and lean into him as my tears become less and the burning in my throat begins to subside.