RedamancyTale (DustTale Frans and MultiShips)

Chapter 14

"Why would it matter?! Nothing I do is your business anymore! It never was to begin with." She snapped as she goes to leave again. Every word was hurting her hurt worse. She loves him, a lot.

She so badly wants to ask him to stay with her, but knows she shouldn't. If he wanted to, he wouldn't be like this.

His grip on her wrist tightened, not letting her walk away. "Noelle, listen to me!" He was starting to tear up. "I know I don't deserve you, and I know it's not my business. You can live your life and do what you want without me. But please, don't go up there. I don't know if I'm being selfish or not. I probably am. But if anything happened to you I couldn't go on."

"What...?" Noelle took a shaky breath in. "What do you mean that you don't deserve me? Can't go on? You're not making any sense!"

"I hurt you so much...you shouldn't forgive me. I don't understand how you did." His legs felt weak. He fell to his knees. "I want you to be happy. To live a better life. I don't care who with as long as he treats you right. Just don't go to the surface. If you died because of something that I did, it would be too much grief for me to live with."

"All you have been giving me lately was your love and affection..." She turned to him. "I was happy... with YOU. Not being with you... I can't stand it! Why are you saying stuff like this? Is being with me really a burden?"

Confusion stirred within her emotion. She doesn't understand. It only made her cry more.

"You've done nothing wrong. You have always been so loving and kind." His hold on her wrist started to loosen and eventually let go having his paw fall onto his lap. "Doesn't it bother you that I'm a murderer?"

Surely, it was like he never committed those acts now. Yet he still felt like one. His own guilt couldn't be erased. In his mind, there would always be innocent blood on his paws.

"Azzy..." Noelle's tear droplet fell onto his paw. "You were corrupted by LOVE. There was a virus. You didn't choose to do anything.... When you were a flower, you had no emotions... It... wasn't your fault. You didn't kill willingly. If... you were a real murderer, you would still be killing. You would have already killed me...."

He looked up at her for a minute and then stood up quickly, pulling her close to him. "I love you...but I find it hard to get close to others. You seem to be the only one I can really connect with. How is it possible to know that it's not just you keeping me sane? How is it possible to know that I don't still have evil in me? That I won't start killing again?" He smiled bitterly. "Am I crazy?"

Noelle had no idea he was so hard on himself. Embracing him with everything she has, she buried her face into him. "Why did you bottle this up? We're supposed to be a couple... I would have listened to you. I don't see you as someone evil. You're gentle, loving, and protective. Everything I had ever wanted in a man. I don't even sense any LOVE within you. That is your own anxieties messing with you."

"You're not crazy... I just love you so much. I get you have a past you cannot change." Her expression had a mixture of sorrow, frustration and neediness to it. "But dealing with it alone like this is unacceptable. I'm sorry I had failed to notice...."

"You failed to notice because I failed to show you. I tried to keep it all inside." His teardrops continued to fall. "Are you sure that you're happy? I wouldn't be mad if you wanted to be with someone else."

"Stop that!" She snapped through her tears. "You can't decide who I can be with! I don't want or need anyone else but you! I'm only so heart broken now that you'd even think that I would want to be with someone else!"

"I know..." He said sadly. "I'm sorry that I upset you. Ralsei was right. I should have just talked to you in the first place."

"Will you...always want to leave me?" She sobbed. "I'm afraid that I'll eventually bore you... Or you'd get sick of me..."