Never Too Late

I Need You

Briggan opened his eyes.

His hearing popped, as if coming from afar, and he came back to full awareness rather gradually. Smells and sounds fell upon their respective receptors, and Briggan came to realize where exactly he was. The steady-paced, monotonous beeping was a dead give-away.

Fuck, Briggan thought. I'm in the goddamned hospital...

Briggan took a moment to glance over and study his condition. His body was still racked with pain, but it's much more bearable than what he'd gone through before he lost consciousness. That was most probably due to whatever was in the IV that was stuck into his left arm. What hurt the most was his head, which sort of took Briggan by surprise. It also didn't take Briggan long to take notice of the moderately bloodied bandages that wrapped his entire torso rather snugly. It was likely that, if it was safe to do so, they would need to be changed out soon.

Briggan heard the doorknob to the door of his room jiggle around a bit, then the door creaked open. A male nurse poked his head through the crack, and looked at Briggan a moment. "Oh," he said. "You're awake. Hold up a bit, there are a couple of people here that want to see you."

"I'm sure," Briggan grumbled, unsure if the nurse was being sincere or not. The nurse shut the door and didn't return for a few minutes. When he did, he opened the door all the way and stepped aside as if to let in a guest. All tensions in Briggan's body melted away when he saw Mastace walk in the room, but his relief was cut short when he saw the condition the lion was in. His appearance was entirely disheveled. Through and through. His clothes looked as if he'd slept in them for several nights in a row, his mane was unkempt and the life in his eyes was very dim if present at all. In general, Briggan could only come up with one observation: "Damn, I thought I looked like shit,"

Mastace chuckled. "You know I was never on to let you do anything alone. Including ruining a good appearance, though I gotta say you took it to a whole new level. Won't be trying any of that any time soon."

Now it was Briggan's turn to laugh. As he did, his torso ached with major discomfort and he had to stop quickly. "So, how long was I out?"

"Three days. You had to have an operation to save both your lungs. Turns out your entire ribcage was pretty messed up by the time the fight was over. The surgical team had to resuscitate you at least a dozen times, I heard. A few times, they were ready to..." Mastace choked on the next few words. He couldn't bring himself to say them, perhaps to avoid the reality they held within them. Briggan didn't need to hear them. He already knew.

"How many times?"

"They actually lost count and gave up trying. They just brought you back every time until you remained stable."

"Must've been terrifying for you to live through," Briggan gasped lightly. He didn't even dare to think what the difficulties the doctors and surgeons faced nearly meant for him.

"I almost lost you... over and over again..." Mastace was no longer in the moment. The misty look in his eye, and the way his voice carried as the lion spoke gave every sign that he was in his own head, thinking about what had almost been.

Briggan hated to see Mastace like this. Broken... defeated. It was not a pleasant thing for either of them, and it actually scared Briggan to watch this. Not many things struck genuine fear in Briggan's heart, but the idea that Mastace might be hurt in some form or fashion... it was unthinkable. Absolutely out of the question. Still... he was hurting. The only thing he can do now is simply be there, the same way the lion had been for him since the beginning. "But you didn't."

"What if I had?"

"There's no use in dwelling on what might have been. Especially when it's something like that."

Mastace looked at his boyfriend in shock. It wasn't very long ago that he would've given Briggan that same bit of advice. Just goes to show how much he's really changed these last few months.

"I'm still alive, though not at a hundred percent at the moment, and that's all that really matters. It's pointless to start asking "what if" questions, as the only thing that comes from them in this situation is unnecessary suffering. Believe me."

Mastace winced at the forwardness Briggan was showing. He'd learned to be a little more assertive the last few weeks, but this was the most up-front and dominant Briggan has ever been. On one hand, Mastace found himself low-key frightened at the sudden display but he was rather excited on the other. It was an odd reaction, and he noted it for future reference.

"You know, you gotta give yourself a lot more credit sometimes, Briggan. You really got me beat there. Thanks."

"No problem, sweetheart." Briggan gave a petite, childish smile. Mastace was amazed that even in times such as these, Briggan could still stay firm and strong. He was truly a fighter at heart.

Empty.

That was how Briggan felt within. Wholly and utterly empty. He was devastated, and he didn't know if he would ever heal. The physical wounds would fade away with time, but the emotional scarring was overwhelming. Recent events had brought back everything that had been broken within him before and made all-new wounds on his soul. The fight, the hospital, the pain of watching the one you held closer than anyone else start to fade in and out like they could disappear altogether in the blink of an eye, all of it brought back so many unpleasant things. Briggan didn't know how he would cope, if he was capable of doing so in the first place.

Mastace looked at Briggan for a moment. "I'm okay, Briggan. There's no reason to worry about me, I'm fine."

Damn, I guess it's impossible to hide anything while I'm attached to a heart monitor. "You don't look or sound like you're fine, Mastace. I know you have to be in agony."

"Hon, really. I'm-"

"Nonsense." Briggan said. "You have to be in agony, because I know for a fact that I am, too. I know you well enough to know that you can't turn a blind eye when someone is suffering. It bothers you. Now that I'm the one in pain, it would be impossible for you not to feel it as well. You had no idea if I was going to make it, probably just minutes before. If that were me out there, and you were in my position, I'd be absolutely fucking terrified."

Mastace said nothing as his gaze lowered to meet the flooring right in front of him. It was several minutes before he could even think of anything to say. "I ... I was."

"So was I," Briggan said, his "brave" façade now falling away. "I still am."

Mastace looked Briggan in the eyes and saw his fear. He didn't fear death, and he didn't fear the agonies of his bodily mutilations. Mastace knew that the only fear Briggan had was losing someone he cared about and watching them endure their own suffering while being completely powerless to do anything to ease or stop any of it. Above all, Briggan was only afraid of failing the ones he loved. That, in and of itself, was the greatest agony the world had to offer.

"Mastace," Briggan said, tears welling in his cobalt-sapphire eyes. "I need you."

The lion felt everything inside of him ache in empathy for his suffering boyfriend. "I need you, too." Following his most primal of instincts, Mastace walked up to the bed and slid into it as gently as possible. He was careful not to move Briggan around too much. Soon, the both of them were in the same hospital bed, holding each other as they silently cried their pains away.