My New Life

Chapter 53-How did it make you feel

"Ok Lexi, I'm doctor David, I'm the psych specialist" he said shaking my hand

"Hello" I replied

"I'm going to ask some questions, you can either answer only if you're comfortable" he said

"Ok" I replied

"When was the first time you started using" he asked

"2014I replied

"Did you use it regularly" he asked

"No, I tried it once and I got hooked to it. I used for about 1-2 weeks than my friends helped me become clean after finding me in my house" I replied

"You have amazing friends, I don't know a lot of people who would help" he said

"Yeah I'm lucky to have them" I replied with a small smile.

"Do you have problems falling or staying asleep" he asked

"Yes, at nights I sometimes cant sleep. I try falling back to asleep which I do but only for a couple hours." I replied

I let fidgeting with my hands.

"Do you often do that" he asked pointing to my hands

"Kind of, I do it whenever I'm nervous or stressed out" I replied

"Ok" he said

He took notes throughout the evaluation.

"Lately have you been having suicidal thoughts" he asked

I didn't know what to say, I do but I couldn't just blurt it out. How do I tell him I've been locked in my house, lost my parents, can't play basketball, back on drugs, broke my foot, and I ran away multiple times

"I-"

"It's ok, take your time" he said

I couldn't form words

"How about we start from the beginning, have you coped with your parents death?" He asked

"Not really, I got closure recently but I get nightmares from their death, I would wake up panting, sweaty and hard to breathe. I would have to open my window and get the fresh air. " I replied

He wrote down some notes

"How did it feel when you found out you have brothers" he asked

"I was shocked, I thought I was an only child. I've always wanted siblings, and I got them. I was mad at my parents but it went away when I saw them at the morgue" I said

"How are your brothers at home?" He asked me again, with eye contact

"Umm, well they are strict, I sometimes can't play basketball because I'm grounded for the dumbest things." I replied

"How does that feel when you can't play basketball" he asked

"Sad, angry at them. Basketball the only thing I have left from New York. I've played my whole life, and when my brother took it away I stopped feeling motivated with anything. They took my phone computer everything when I was grounded. I couldn't do anything, and that's when I started. Nothing brought joy, I felt numb. I wanted to feel something. When they took everything I was depressed, all I wanted to do was to be done with life and see my parents again. I just wanted to feel something, I wanted to be free from this life" I said with tears rolling down my face. I didn't realize I was crying

The doctor gave my tissues.

"It's ok Lexi, let it all out. You have been through a lot and you're letting it go. It's good to talk to someone. I would like for you to see a psychiatrist. They will help you cope, and get out of the state you're in. You will feel something again" he said

"Thank you" I replied

"Ok Lexi that has answered all of my questions, I don't see you need to be under a 24 hold. You don't show psychotic behavior" he said

"Ok" I replied

He left the room and went back to staring at the window. It was raining and I love the rain, all I wanted to do was run out and play in the rain.

Ryan came into my room

"Hey Lexi, wear this sweatshirt, I'm busting you out" he said

"Wait the nurses are gonna notice" I said

"You'll be back in 20 minutes" he said

"Where are we going" I asked

"Downstairs, I know you love the rain" he replied

He knew I liked the rain

I put on the sweatshirt and he snuck me out. We went to the garden and played on the rain. I felt something again. I didn't feel restrained I felt free

(Btw I 100% recommend to play in the rain. Not only you feel different but it's fun)

It finally came to an end and we went back up. I changed into a new gown and went in the hospital bed.

"Hey Lexi, I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry I was a rude brother to you. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you more. I tried but I should have pushed more. I'm so sorry" he said with tears rolling down his face.

I opened my arms to signal him for a hug. I gave him a big hug

"I'm sorry I was rude to you, I should have listened more and not talk back. I love you so much and your the best brother I can ever ask for" I replied

"I love you too" he replied

It was getting late and I went off to sleep. I started feeling sick and I needed the drugs. I was already having withdrawal symptoms.

I woke up to me sweating and feeling sick. I saw hallucinations of bugs

"Ahhh, they are on me" I screamed

Nurses came in and I kept thrashing

"She's already withdrawing, strap her down so she doesn't hurt" a nurse said

The nurse put the cushion restraint on so I don't hurt myself. I've done this once but this time I had nurses.

"It's ok, it's just hallucinations" another nurse said

They tried calming my down, but it wasn't working

I quickly shut my eyes tightly, so I wouldn't see any. My body was itching and felt bugs crawling but I couldn't scratch.

The nurse gave me something to help fall asleep. I started drifting off to sleep.

I woke up hours later, confused why I had restraints on. A nurse came in to check my vitals and took off the restraints

"Why were they on" I asked

"Last night you started going through the withdrawal process and you hallucinated, we had to make sure you wouldn't hurt yourself" the nurse said

"Oh ok" I replied

She brought in food and I started eating. I was so hungry. After finishing my food all 5 of my brothers came in.

"Lexi, starting tomorrow you will be at a drug rehab for 90 days" Aidan said

A/n

Hey guys, sorry I didn't update for a while but I'm back. I'll slowly update for a bit, but I will get back to my routine soon. I hope you like this chapter, vote and comment. See you next time byeee