constellations

Aquila

"We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars."

Constellation: Aquila
Brightest Star: Altair

"Did you know some people think we are made of stardust?"

"Someone has been researching."

"Well... You may have brought out the sky-lover in me."

At this I giggled and sat up to look down at Chris.

"An 18-year-old guy just admitted that he likes the sky. You really are hipster!"

Chris rolled his eyes and huffed.

"Whatever. I actually only did it for you."

"Well that's the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in awhile." I felt my cheeks become warm as I looked down at my lap.

"I also read about a constellation you haven't shown me before." Chris' change of topic relaxed me and I laid back down.

"Which one was that?"

"Aquila. It's an eagle. I haven't looked for it yet though."

I just smiled and gabbed my notebook. I flipped to a page in the middle, searching for what the constellation was supposed to look like.

I remembered searching for this a few months back. I was so lost, worried, and confused. My journey up until that point was not a happy one. Dealing with things no teenager ever should, left me tired and wanting someone to confide in.

"When I was first looking for Aquila, I didn't feel like an eagle unless I was out here. Trapped in a cage would be a better way to describe how I felt. Alone. Not trusting even the hands that fed me. I guess I was hoping that when I found it, I would find something that seemed to be missing." I whispered into the cold night air. Loud enough for Chris to hear.

"Did you find it?" He asked with hesitation. I had told him many things, but he was still so careful around me.

"Nope." I chuckled softly.

"I don't understand what is funny about it." I imagined his confused face in my mind. His nose scrunched just a bit, trying to figure out my seemingly dark sense of humor.

"I laugh now because I was looking to these big balls of gas billions of miles away to answer my problems. It amuses me now how silly I was. I didn't realize exactly what I needed until you left that little airplane on my roof." Chris turned to his side to look at me and I turned my head to the left to look in his pretty eyes.

"Don't think yourself silly. They were just your rock when you needed something stable. No shame in that. But why did you figure it out only then?" Chris stared at me, a face full of pure curiosity.

I smiled, "I realized that I hadn't had a true friend since elementary school. I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one to confess my worries to. I kept everything bottled up, which isn't healthy. When you left the letter, I knew that what I was looking for was a friend. I've come to understand how important a living breathing confidant can be. Stars don't answer me or hug me or make me laugh. Just the fact you haven't run away from me, you still come out on the roof, makes you irreplaceable."

Christopher's grin was so wide you might think it hurt. But it was contagious and my already small smile began to grow.

"Do you want me to show you where that constellation is?" I whispered, and Chris nodded his head slowly. We both laid on our backs next to each other and I grabbed his hand softly.

My hand was so small and fragile compared to his. It made me wonder how frail I am. I shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts that would make me cry if I was not careful and focused on the stars, letting my eyes find the shape I desired.

Once I found it I extended his finger to show him where it was at. He made a small noise of recognition, telling me that he had found it. I went to lower my hand but he first linked our pinky fingers and then softly put our hands down together.

I was tense but made myself relax. Chris didn't make a big deal out of it, so I didn't either.

I let my eyes wander and thought about all the places I wanted to go, and things I wanted to see. Right now I wasn't too sure if I ever would be able to, but I wanted to focus on hopes and dreams. Not despair and nightmares.

Whenever I didn't see the bright side of things, I never told anyone. I didn't want them to be down. I wanted the whole world to be happier. It is hard to have a happy world though when there is such sickness of body and mind. We say "It's for the best" or "That's what God's plan is", but it's sometimes so hard to actually feel that way. Our mouths don't always agree with our brains.

I was startled out of my thoughts with Chris' next words.

"Well you know what they say, life's a climb but the view is great."

Just like that he had me rolling around the roof clutching my stomach in laughter.

"What?!" He mumbled. His cheeks were red but I could see the amusement in his eyes.

"Did-... You... Really just quote Hannah Montana?" My laughter had subsided to short bursts of giggles. It was amazing how fast he had just turned my mood around.

"I have a younger sister, she was obsessed." Chris scratched the back of his neck in discomfort.

"Well you just became ten times more cute." I covered my mouth quickly. I couldn't believe I had just dared to say that!

Christopher just smiled and grabbed my pinky with his, giving a small squeeze that made my world a little happier.

So there ya go! Probably not my favorite chapter... But I keep hitting writing blocks. I have an idea for the next one so fingers crossed I write it soon!! Xx

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