falling [asanoya/ennotana] 🌦

a Little Bit of angst,,, as a Treat

"i'm so tired, and i... i really miss you."

as i had predicted, the tears spilled from my eyes, my chest heaving.

asahi pulled away slightly, lifting his hand to my face and wiping my tears, which made me even more sad, remembering how things used to be.

"hey, it'll be alright."

i sniffled.

"but..."

"no buts, everything is gonna be okay," he insisted.

i shook my head, more tears flowing, the taste of salt on my tongue.

i figured i should explain why i was so upset.

"i was talking to daichi and suga earlier, and we were kind of talking about how graduation is soon-"

he seemed to tense up slightly, but i continued. he was probably trying not to think too much about that, and now i was gonna make him sad too.

"-and i got really sad because all of you are gonna be leaving soon, and i'm gonna hate not having you all around. i'm gonna miss you guys..." i trailed off, and lowered my voice. "especially you."

he hugged me again, and i pressed my face into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent.

if i tried hard enough, i could imagine things hadn't changed...

it was just another hug from asahi, my boyfriend, and there would be many more in the future. everything was normal and fine...

"i'm gonna miss you too..." he said eventually.

the fantasy shattered.

i pulled away and sniffled, wiping at more of my seemingly endless tears.

"i was talking to chikara too, about a problem he had with ryū, and i realized i'm kind of emotionally exhausted. i hadn't realized just how much i'd been stressed about this past week or so, but... it kinda hit me after talking to him."

asahi sighed.

"yeah, you've had a lot going on... and i'm sorry that i was kind of the cause of a lot of that..."

i shook my head slowly a couple of times.

"it's okay... and i'm sorry for making you come outside in the cold when you're already not feeling well and make you listen to my problems."

he smiled gently.

"i don't mind. really."

"thank you..."

we stood there awkwardly for a minute, and i wiped away the last of my tears.

i moved a little bit and it seemed like some trance was broken.

"well... i guess i'll be heading home now."

"alright... goodbye then, be safe."

"i'll try. see you monday, asahi."

i walked away, and a short way down the sidewalk, i heard, "noya, wait!"

i stopped and turned to see him standing there.

he opened his mouth, then froze for a minute.

he closed his mouth again, and shook his head. i recognized his anxious expression and fidgeting.

"never mind... i'll see you monday."

i nodded, and turned to leave again.

i couldn't help but wonder what he was going to say to me...

as i walked home after that encounter, i tried not to, but it was impossible. i kept thinking of memories from when we were together.

~~~

i was staying the night with him. the futon lay abandoned on the floor, since i had ditched it in favor of sleeping on the bed next to asahi.

i had woken up, sweating and shaking, from a nightmare. asahi had left me- said he even hated me. it was all my fault.

of course it was all my fault.

~~~

although, now that situation was a waking nightmare...

wait, no! i shouldn't think about this too much... i just stopped crying and i'm still sad anyway, no need to make it worse.

but... i couldn't help myself. memories seem to be better than reality right now anyway.

~~~

asahi had woken up, whether from my sudden movements or labored breathing, i wasn't sure.

"hey, what's wrong?" he asked sleepily.

i slowly turned to face him.

"you'd never leave me... right?"

"of course not! you must've been having a bad dream. come here."

he opened his arms and i crawled over to him, cuddling up to his chest. he wrapped his arms around me, and i felt safer than ever.

"thanks," i whispered.

"it's alright."

he stroked my hair slowly until my breathing and rapid heartbeat had calmed down.

"i love you."

he kissed me.

"i love you too. now try to get some sleep."

i smiled.

"i will."

~~~

i sighed and sped up my walk home. i could continue thinking about this later.