Hopeless? ~ Third Part of Loverboy.

Chapter 24. ~ Nathan.

 A dream. It was all a dream.

I woke up with a start, making sure that I was back in reality. Ashley was in front of me, lying on the bed, quietly watching television. Her chest rose and fell normally and the Sun coming through the blinds barely illuminated her face and eyes. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a breath, trying to calm the savage beating of my heart.

I knew that dreams or nightmares—in this case—occurred as a defense mechanism of our subconscious mind. It is as if our brain will make us face our greatest fears through a dream, so that if the opportunity were ever to actually happen, we would know how to act. As if we were being trained while we are asleep. But still, I wouldn’t know how to survive or act if this nightmare ever came true.

So immediately I got up from my chair and left the room, walked into the hallway to call Ashley's mom and explain everything that had happened to her. She answered on the fifth ring.

—Hello? —She said.

—Clarissa? How are you? It’s Nathan.

—Oh, Nathan! I’m fine, and you? I haven’t talked to you or Ashley in quite a while. —While she spoke, I was thinking about how to tell her about all the events that had happened.

—Well... Yes, I know. She has been a little busy lately.

—I can only imagine. —I literally heard the smile in his voice, something that made all of this much more difficult.

But eventually I confessed to her. No words came out of my mouth at first, and it was difficult, however, I came to a point where they simply slipped my tongue. When I finished the whole story, Clarissa was silent for a few moments.

—Do you think your mother would have a problem if I left James with her? —She asked quietly.

—No, I don’t think so. Why? —I asked, a bit puzzled.

—Tell my daughter that I’ll come to see her tomorrow. Please, please... —Her voice cracked—Don’t let her give up.

After that, she ended the call, and I had to close my eyes and clench my fists very hard to keep calm. It all seemed so unfair and raw.

I remembered the night Robert, Ashley's father, had died. I remembered the way he desperately clung to me and asked me to look after her, when Clarissa gave me the ring he always used to symbolize the birth of their daughter. Something in me was opened, recalling the dream of a few minutes ago where I had defrauded Robert. But I had to take care of her, no matter what.

I entered the room again, and stayed with Ashley for a few moments until Jay and Josh finally joined us, and then we talked as if nothing had happened, the first time in weeks I felt remotely good. I guess this was what Ashley needed: being surrounded by support and joy.

—When are you going to speak again, Ashley? We miss your sharp and annoying voice. —Josh said suddenly staring at Ashley, who barely smiled.

—That's right; I want you to start saying the same crap as always. —Jay said.

I could only look at Ashley and be proud of her and admire her. I knew that this was the worst thing that could happen to anyone, but she was coping with it (in her own way). Knowing her, I would’ve guessed she would have given up long time ago, but she had continued—without speaking, without expressing any emotion, with breakdowns—but she had done everything to stay with us. I knew something was pushing her, perhaps an invisible force or maybe it was something personal, but whatever it was, I needed to be extremely grateful for it because thanks to that, I could be one more day with her.

Clearly Ashley didn’t speak after those comments, but at least she let us know that she was physically and psychologically in that room with us.

I started noticing that she was not as pale as before. She had dark spots around her eyes and they were wearing off, her cheeks were beginning to have a little color and the purple, black and red marks all over her body were clearing. I felt hopeful for the first time.

The doctors came to check on Ashley a few hours later, when Josh was gone to the ER. Jay and I were in the room next to Ashley, who was staring at us when Dr. Maccabee and Dr. Simmons entered. Dr. Maccabee gave me a judgmental look, but Dr. Simmons said there was no problem.

They checked her up and said that in general everything was fine. The psychiatrist asked us to let her a minute alone with Ashley to check how she was psychologically, so Dr. Simmons, Jay and I left the room.

—Doc, this morning I told Ashley's mom what’s going on. —I announced after clearing my throat.

—Excellent, what did she say?

—She said nothing about it; she just told me that she’s coming here to Boston tomorrow. —I said, my hands in the pockets of my pants.

The doctor nodded once and stayed with us outside waiting until Ashley’s check-up with Dr. Maccabee ended. Finally, Dr. Maccabee came out and shared with Dr. Simmons something I didn’t understand.

—She's much better. She’s even starting to interact with me. —Dr. Maccabee said with a smile on her face.

I felt a strange warmth filling my heart. Jay looked at me, waiting for any reaction from me. I smiled. —That's good. —I said, out of breath.

Finally everything was changing.