Hymn Of 'Solem' Solemn Pain
Burning Chaos #1
Suffering from the sorrow from the past and present? Uniting the two people with different afflictions in life, how could they be? Is it possible to unite their love when life is full of struggle?
How do...
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I widened my eyes.
The clone of darkness wrapped my soul, and little by little the flame in my heart is disappearing. Her death was my end. It wasn't meant to go this far, I never taught I'd end up like this. UNHAPPY. I wish this was all bad dreams. I wish none of this had ever come up. It hurts....... it badly hurts!
Without a warning, my tears shed and my whole body feels numb. In my school uniform, I knelt on the floor. How could I witness this? My mom. Take her own life. She is now lifeless. How? How could my mom do this? She was happy. I have never seen my mom being sad in my entire life. She always says that she was fine. So how could this be possible? She just told me this morning that she loves me.
Hindi ko magawang gumalaw kahit pilitin ko I was just stuck.
I scream. Seeing my mom's body hanged using a rope. Her white silk dress is covered by her own blood. Puro sugat sa pulsuhan ang nakita ko at pasa sa iba't ibang parte ng katawan.
The darkness of her room explain all to my mind. And it explains how she feels and experience. Black. Darkness.
Iyak at sigaw ang ginawa ko pero hindi ako nagkaroon nang lakas ng loob para pumunta sa loob ng kwarto. And all I do is screaming out of pain.
"Mom. Mom."
Gusto Kong sumabog sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. Hawak-hawak ko ang dibdib ko at dinadama ang sakit na nararamdaman ng puso ko.
Kahit gaano kalakas ang gawin kong sigaw ay hindi pa rin mawala wala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Halos mapaos na ako kakasigaw. Kung hindi man ako sumisigaw ngayon ay hindi ko kaya pasanin ang nararamdaman ng puso ko.
Ang bigat. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi maubos ubos ang luha sa mga mata ko. Sinasabunutan ko ang sarili ko dahil baka sakali sa ganoong paraan ay mabawasan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.
Kung masaya siya kasama ako... Bakit niya nagawa 'to? How could my mother left me? Puro tanong ang pumapasok sa utak ko. Sa mga tanong na'yon ni isa walang nasagot. Nakatulala lang ako sa harap ng pintuan ng kwarto. Pinoproseso pa ng katawan ko ang lahat ng nangyari.
I want to hug her and tell her that I'm not ready for her to leave me. Our memories flash in my head. It hurts. Seeing her happy in my mind. Suddenly, I just feel Ate Naomi, hugging me from behind. Nakita ko rin ang pag punta ng mga katulong sa madilim na kwarto. It was just all slow-mo to me.
My Ate Naomi caress my hair and my back. She's telling something to me that I can't understand. Tanging pag-tingin ko lang ang sinusukli ko sa mga sinasabi niya.
Sinubukan niyang takpan ang mga mata ko gamit ang dalawang palad niya. Ayaw niya ata makita ko si mom na inaalis mula sa pagkatali. But I insist and watch even it kills me. I want to see and know everything I want to observed every details.
