Mad Ember

37: Alone

'You shouldn't expect so much out of people. That's on you.'

I groan and briefly squeeze my eyes shut when my father's voice filters in my mind. I was getting so much better with Corban around. I was starting to finally be in a part of my life where Corban had proved him wrong. But my father is still right.

"Ember come back!" He screams after me but I continue running like my life depends on it. I know that if Corban does catch me, he will be able to sweet talk his way out of the situation. He'll be able to morph what he said to fit into a perfect mold where it can't be argued. It's toxic 101.

I see the overhang of rocks by the hill and dart for it. There is a little cave-like structure that unless you know exactly where it is, it is impossible to see and invisible from outside. I get there quickly and practically throw myself in. I sit on my butt and bring my knees tightly to my chest. I cover my mouth with both of my hands as I hear Corban still calling out my name, his voice is hollow, desperate, and everything in me wants to call out to him but I can't.

I bite hard on my hand to stop myself from calling his name. I feel my teeth break through my flesh, but I don't flinch from the sting I take it in through my body and focus on it and only it. I bite harder and hold back a groan of pain, but this was helping to bring me back down to reality. Tears stream down my face, and I scootch farther back in the cave when I hear Corban, Easton, Daniel, and Merek all calling my name.

They can't find me.

It must have been hours later when I could no longer hear anyone moving outside of the cave. I still sit in a tight ball, and I don't think it is physically possible for me to move. In such a short amount of time, I lost everyone. Well, in truth, maybe I never had them. Perhaps everyone was just good actors, and this was their plan all along.

Corban wanted to help me put myself back together again. Only to watch in sick satisfaction as he smashes me into more broken pieces than I have ever been before.

Hurt.

Betrayed.

Lost.

Hopeless.

I can't understand why they did this. Why they were going to make it impossible for me to fight my own battle. And I bet they thought they were the heroes in this. I clench my fists.
Tighter, tighter, tighter. But before I have the chance to feel the sting, to feel that release, I stop. My hands freeze and I look down at them. Tight fists, but not tight enough to do any type of damage.

I stopped.

I don't need people around to help me. I don't need someone to hold my hand when things get tough. I look at my hands again and slowly open them up. I stare at the crescent moon cuts and a tear falls down my cheek.

I am a survivor. A fighter.

I realize some people are just born to fight.

I don't mean that they're born brave. And it's not that they're born strong either. The universe just decides that this one, this one is going to walk with grit, fire, and steel pumping in their veins. In their blood. There isn't a single thing that can be done to avoid this fate. And It's not a good one all the time.

Because this fight in them will be tested, and tested, and tested again. Trial after trial will be thrown at them, this person with grit, fire, and steel in their veins will be broken and damaged in countless other ways.

Born to fight.

Maybe it's not the life that I would have chosen if I had a chance to avoid it. If I had the choice I would take the normal, almost boring childhood. I would have chosen to grow old and fall in love with Matty and have a loving Mom and dad by my side. Even an annoying brother. But I wasn't given this choice. I'd love to simply lay down my arms and be done. Be done with everything. But I can't. Because fighting is the one of the only things that stays constant with me. It's what I do best, and it's all I can do.

And I know that I am better off on my own. It's how things have always been and I should have kept them that way. My weakness has only left me to get hurt. If I were to go back to my self from let's say six months ago and tell her my situation she would laugh and then say 'it's your own damn fault for trusting them'

I am my own god damn hero. I had thought I was passed it. But I now see that it's the way I'm wired. All I can do in this situation is...

Run. Hide. Try to survive. Because they are out there.

♛ ♛ ♛

Yet another week passed by since Corban, Easton, Merek, and Daniel went behind my back, and I left them. I made a makeshift camp here in the cave. The walls never let anything stay dry and I found myself in a constant state of being damp. It smelt of mildew and moisture and many rodents took up residence along with me. The sandy ground made anything I put on it dirty and started to give me small rashes on my legs. I knew I couldn't stay here. And not just because of the living arrangements.

I need to kill Collet.

I need to watch as the life is drained from her eyes by my hands. I need my face to be the last one she sees before she falls into the pits of hell. It will probably be one of the stupidest things I have ever done. After I kill Collet, I'll kill myself. And everything can finally be over.

I can finally leave this godforsaken planet and be with my mom, brother, and matty.

With the lunar eclipse so close now only about two weeks away, I know that if I'm going to act, I have to do it now. This is where things get tricky. Corban, Daniel, Easton, and Merek all come out every day looking for me, and Corban continues searching into the night. One time he also brought Dog along. A low blow even for him.

I plan on leaving today. I'll go to Collet's hut. I hadn't realized how tired I am of running. After I stayed at the East Atlantic Pack, I was able to sit back and breathe. But now, I'm back to living how I was before, and I don't think I can do it this time. I grew up alone, I basically had no friends. No one other than Matty.

But now I have been given a taste of the life I am missing out on. And the people that I would be leaving behind.

It was time that I put everything to an end. It has been a long time coming. I stand up and quietly leave the cave, making my way straight to Collet's hut. I clutch the dagger I have and run swiftly in my hands. I push all feelings out of my mind to not cloud my judgment.

No thinking. No feeling. Literally. I think at one point, I started to feel so much that I started to feel nothing.

I run with the most determination that I have ever had. I was running so that I could finish this faster, I was running out of fear that Corban would find me, I was running because I don't know how to do anything else.

Run. Hide. Survive.

My heart firmly pumps in my chest, attempting to get my lungs oxygen, and I quickly experience runners high and push myself to go faster. I was probably running faster than I have ever had before, but it was like I was in slow motion. The trees whizzed passed me, but I could have counted each needle on them. It was amazing. My hair whips in my face and flies around behind me, but I don't let it distract me.

I am almost there, and my nerves kick in high gear when I see smoke from a fire she probably has going. I stop running and attempt to catch my breath. By now, it is completely pitch black outside. But that will work to my advantage.

I creep closer to her hut and stop when I see her walk out, completely oblivious to my presence. I sneak up closer when she pours water over the fire outside and walks back in her hut. I'm right at her doorstep, and the weight of what is about to happen dawns on me. Everything is about to end.

Right here, right now.

___________

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