Randomness/Nothing Important

Ha ha...ha.......ha...

Yeah, I'm not okay right now. And that can mean a lot of things. But I may be talking about all of them. I don't know anymore.

I just feel really tired and dizzy. I feel I can't stand. Every time that I stood up today, I started swaying and my vision stopped for over a minute. Now if that isn't normal, then something is wrong with me. But apparently it is, because my mom tells me that happens a lot because I don't eat. And although I don't want to believe it, she might be right about that.

Yeah, so, I may be starving myself a bit. But I'm not hungry. Although I have to do it in front of my mom because she doesn't trust me anymore. She said that she'll make me fat if I stop eating. She will MAKE me eat, even if I don't want to. To me, that's torture. And I can't stand it.

My heart is also broken. Still. I know, I'm supposed to be over her...but I'm not. I've been like this before, but this time, it's actually real. And it hurts me. Physically and mentally. I just want someone to hug me and tell me that it's going to be okay. But I can't tell my family. Because they told me to never be in a relationship this young. And I didn't listen. I guess karma decided to pay me a little visit.

Ignored? May I say that? How many times. About a million. Everyone promises that they'll be here to talk. And chat, and be here for anything. That seems like a little lie. And it seems like the only time that people pay attention is when I'm close to harm or...the other thing. I don't even want to say it anymore. If you're a true friend...you wouldn't leave, right? Would you be here? I mean, some people are like, "Hey! I'm here, why not talk to me? I've been waiting!" Or whatever...but the truth is, I gave up. Because they stopped talking to me in the first place. And that's why I think that they don't care.

I think that's about it on my list of problems right now. I feel like crying, my stomach is KILLING ME, I have a headache, I'm alone, I feel empty, and I have to pretend in front of my mom and stepdad. Seems normal, right? Yep.

I also have a baby shower to go to this weekend. Whoo...that's just fun. I'll see some family I haven't seen in a while. And if I'm being honest, that makes me feel even more lonely than I already am.

Pretty fun. I know.

But you know what I say to all of you?

"I'm fine."