Randomness/Nothing Important

I'ma just-

Okay, I thought today was going to be a good day for me. Turns out, I was completely wrong about that. I feel like my mom and my stepdad hate me. And I feel like they don't like me being bisexual. There isn't a lot of proof, so I may be overthinking this. But still.

Today was normal. Got up at an early time. My mother told me to put some shoes on to go somewhere. I asked if I was going to get down with her, because I was still in my pajamas. She said that I didn't need to worry about it. So, I asked her again. I swear she caught an attitude and yelled no at me. And I got scared. So anyways, we were on the road. And mom was just talking to me, which isn't usual. She was talking to me about her old work, about Lyft and Uber, and about an appartment she was looking at. I wasn't really that interested, but it was kind of scaring me. Once we got to the shop..store place, she got down and went inside.

Let's say timeskip to when we got back home. She set the box down and looked at me. Asked me what I want. She grabbed a plate and it seemed like she SHOVED it to me, and I put some donuts on it. (Yes, now shush-) It looked like she wanted to get away from me, because she quickly grabbed the box after I was done and went up the stairs. Oh well.

Another timeskip to after they came home from leaving to get food. They were acting strange. And everything. Then they asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I said yeah. And everything was pretty normal right there. I didn't sit by my mom or stepdad, and instead, all the way at the end of the couch. It's not like they were making me any room anyways.

And then they put a movie on. Apparently it's "SCARY" my mom said. So she told me to go take a shower. I did as she told me to and once I was done, I went back down the stairs. She told me that she was going to help me with my hair but when I told her about it, she said later. She told me that she was watching a movie and that it was scary. I just stayed there and continued to brush my hair in the mirror. Then she decided to tell me to go back upstairs to do my hair. Like...you didn't help me. I guess you're not. And I showed her the results after I did them by MYself. She just laughed at me. So I went back upstairs. Two hours. I decided to clean my room. It was two hours that I've been in my room. And every time I tried to go back down the stairs, my mother would keep telling me that it was a scary movie, and that I needed to hurry up. I was getting aggravated. Then, she had the nerve to come into my room and say that she was going to take a bath. I said okay and went downstairs. Turns out, that was a lie. I heard her and my stepdad laughing and talking away in their bedroom. Like, you just lied to me. What for? You must really hate me.

And now they're watching TV. They barely talked to me today. And I tried talking to them, but they didn't hear me. They weren't even that nice today and kept telling me what to do. And...I don't know. I just feel very sad and very heartbroken right now. To me, that seems like they don't accept me for who I am. I feel like they're making fun of me in a certain type of way and are trying to say that I'm worth nothing, that it's wrong to be who I am. I know that isn't what's going on, but that's what my mind is thinking. And I'm slowly starting to believe that.

I'm fighting back tears right now but I'm not so sure if I can do it anymore. I just want to cry. I feel hated. I don't feel accepted. I feel like running away...I have had that thought before. But it hasn't been around for about two years. And now it's back. That's how sad I feel about this.

I'm taking all of this down the wrong path and I'm ending up with the wrong answer. And I know that. I can see that. But I don't want to believe it. It's just too..sad for me.

So, instead of running, I'm going to cower in fear. In pain. I'm going to go in the corner and cry. And I probably won't stop for a while.

I just want someone to talk to. I want someone who won't judge me, who DOESN'T judge me for who I am. For who I want to be. For what I do and for what I do want to do.

Is that too hard to ask for..?