Lestrade Academy

39. End of Some

"Nick," I whispered into my hands.

"Yea?" he replied and I felt his chest vibrate while he spoke.

"Nick," I whispered once again, not being able to put my confession into words, "His..."

"I know," he whispered when he understood I couldn't say anything else, "It's okay."

"It's my fault," I said, another wave of guilt washing over me.

"No, it's not," he said only to comfort me, but deep down he knew I knew he knew it was my fault.

"Ma'am, you should leave," said a feminine voice and someone's hand touched me from behind.

I moved away from Nick immediately and left the room without looking back.

"He will live, he will live," I kept repeating in my mind. Hope was the only thing I had left now. If Mr. R died, I would never forgive myself.

"Zoe," Nick's voice said from behind.

I hated how comforting he made me feel. I hated the fact that I needed someone in order to not to break. What have I become? I remember being the girl that didn't give a damn about anything. I remember actually loving only one boy and this was the brotherly love. I remember being strong, I remember being ceazy and fun and I remember when I started to change.

"Zoe, look at me," Nick tried again, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Get me out of here," I said, turning around. I couldn't stand being here anymore. I couldn't bear the scent of the medicines that Mr. R's life depended on and I coulnldn't bear the thoughts that plagued me. "Please," I begged, staring into his eyes.

He reached out and pulled me into a hug, "Wherever," he said and led me out.

I wiped my tears off of my face and followed him out of the hospital and into the cab.

"Where to?" The driver asked and Nick and I looked at each other.

"Wherever," said Nick, tearing away from my gaze, "Just drive us around."

The driver nodded and roared the engine.

I hated myself at the moment. I hated being so weak, but I also hated having to be strong. I hated everything. I wanted to go back to the person I once was, but this was one of the most impossible things in my Bucket List and something was telling me I had to finish that list soon, or never.

"What the fuck," I thought, "I don't even have a Bucket List."

I smiled at myself, breathing in the air and then letting it out. I would be alright. I would be okay whatever happened to Mr. R.

"You know," I spoke up, "It's sad that Mr. R had to sccrifice himself to the middle-death in order for me to understand what an awesome man he is."

Nick nodded, "True. He's a strong man. He had been holding the whole school of teenage boys under control and if that's not the real strenght, I don't know what is."

I smiled. No, I wouldn't let the world brake me. I smiled wider. I knew I was stronger than this. I could fight this. Heck, I have fought worse! The world was not stopping and I was not giving up. I would go to Thella, would stop the war and would become a heiress or whatever, but what really matters is that I would stay myself. I wouldn't forget the old me and I would survive. It'll be hard, but I have lost enough fights to win this war.

"To the Dunkin' Donuts," I told the driver.

Nick looked at me in surprise only to smile at me. "Look who's back!" He told me and pinched my nose. I stuck my tongue at him.

I knew that, eventually, something would happen to Mr. R and it would brake me, but I refused to scatter just yet.

At Dunkin' Donuts we didn't really talk. Only ate and stared at each other. Suddenly, the ringtone of my phone broke the silence. It was Martha.

"Hello?" I picked up, putting down my donut.

"Mr. Rockets said you should hide the necklace of Roo better this time."

My eyes grew wide as I covered my mouth with my free hand and started laughing loudly.

"There in a min!" I told her and looked happily at puzzled Nick. "He's awake!" The words only partly left my mouth and we were already leaving the money and running out.

We went straight to his ward and Martha and Mrs. Shoo exited, since only two visitors were allowed at a time.

He looked just as bad as before, but one thing had changed nonetheless. His eyes were open and that was all I needed.

"We were so worried!" I exclaimed, "How are you?"

"Oh, I am fine," he said, "Good ol' me."

"Nice to see you back, Mr. R," said Nick and we sat on either sides of his bed.

"What exactly happened?" I, being the unpatient being I am, asked immediately.

"Nothing special. I found him in his suburgatory house and he had a gun, that is it. Fortunately, I called to the police on ti-"

He was cut off by the terrible cough coming from his insides. He coughed so bad I thought he would cough his lungs out. As soon as his coughing stopped, he stared down at his hand that had been covering his mouth with wide eyes. I leaned in closer and saw his hand, covered in blood.

"Doctor!" I called out, already standing at the door, "We need a doctor!"

A few people responded to my screams, but it was too late. When I turned around to face him, the only thing I saw was Mr. Rocket's frozen face and Nick's head hanging down.

"No," I whispered, starting to sob. The nurses were telling us something, but I couldn't hear a thing. The only thing I noticed was being thrown out of the room by nurses.

I stared at the closed door in front of me, tears pouring out of my eyes. Martha and Mrs. Shoo were there, too. Staring at the door with me and crying quietly. The bells in the hospital rang and someone congratulated New Year to us, but I could care less.

We would never see Mr. Rockets again.

***

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, fisting and unfisting my hands at my sides. My hair was up and I could see every inch of my face. I looked the same, but the feeling was completely different. I straightened my black dress for one last time before going out of the room.

Today Mr. Rockets would collide with the ground. The priest would be saying things, lot's of things, but I wouldn't hear a word. It was January 3rd and I couldn't imagine a worse start for the New Year.

Lot's of people stood at the cemetery around a grave that was slowly going down. I haven't looked at any of their faces. After that I went back to the academy and sat on my bed, staring out of the window.

I was a little sadder than before and broken for the first time.