REMEMBER TO SMILE. x bts series

five; namjoon

December 4th, 2013.

I fidgeted with the two plastic cups of coffee as Seokjin had his phone up at his ear. He ended the call with a girl soon after I returned with two cups.

It seemed like a typical phone call, until I saw how he tried to soften and hide the coughs that came up to him occasionally. And I witnessed how his hands shook terribly before hanging up. The pain in his eyes.

"Are you sick?" I patted his back. Something was clearly wrong.

"I'm fine, just a cold."

Soon after, he started coughing harder, his adam apple constantly moving up and down as he did so.
"Man, do you need water?" I snatched his backpack and rummaged through, but then ended up finding his water bottle in the side pocket. However that was not all. Along with the bottle, there was a small pack of pills hidden underneath.

His eyes were darting towards the pills, and with my instincts it looked like he needed one. I quickly tore off the foil around it like a monster I am, passing to him. He then popped two into his mouth, gulping it down with water as I helped him.

"Who is she? Do you like her?" I started talking when he completely calmed down. He attempted to lie, "No one..."

But what came after that contradicted with his words was a drop of tear.

"You're ill, aren't you?"

I had my doubts, and I still have.

He looked down, the beads of tears still flowing down his cheeks. "Smart, huh, Namjoon-sshi."

At the beginning of the year 2013 when we first entered this hell of a school, Seokjin told some of our closer classmates and I, how he had met a girl that couldn't leave his mind.

The girl, as he described, had black hair that was always kept away from her face, even feigning innocence could be her forte. But he had fallen for her.

After that, he couldn't stop talking about her, telling us how he wanted to attend classes with her, how he wanted to walk her home everyday.

I eventually thought her name was Xin Ae, a girl from the next door classroom.

Wasn't that the girl he had called?

So why would he ask her such a thing?

I was suspicious, and I ought to know a reason why.

Those pills, sure meant something.

"Have you been consuming these since a long time ago?" I asked.

He gave a small timid nod. "Yeah," he said, merely whispering, "My headaches were getting frequent these days."

"Let's find to the others, then we'll talk."

--

The seven of us gathered around the coffee table, as things were said and worried glances were exchanged.

The youngest wasn't handling the news well. He had his fist clenched so tight it was shaking, and we caught him sniffling occasionally. His nose were slowly getting red, and we froze as he finally looked at Seokjin, teary eyed. He rose from his chair on his feet, with his hands on the oldest's collar immediately after.

It was utterly disrespectful and rude of him to do such a thing to Jin, who was the oldest among us.

"Yah, Jungkook, watch it."

Seokjin remained silent and let Jungkook tower over him as he slumped deeper into his chair.

"Don't worry, guys," He forced a smile, "My doctor had said, if I'm dilligent and responsible to consume my pills on time, maybe I would live another seven months more?"

Jeon let out a bitter laugh as the rest of us kept our heads low. He then took a deep breath, "Seven months are not enough, hyung. I want you to live and grow old with us. Together. The seven of us."

"I'm sorry, maknae. There's nothing I can do," Seokjin muttered under his breath.

It is hard to believe. Humans always wanted the truth, but sometimes we couldn't bear it. We get hurt, we get anxious and afraid to handle the truth.

"Death is waiting at the end of our human lives, and different people have different lifespans. So it really isn't Seokjin's fault," I said.

I then thought of another thing, hoping I could get rid of the tensef atmosphere around us. I cleared my throat, "Remember that girl, Xin Ae?"

Everyone then focused on me, but I kept my eyes on Seokjin, "Months ago, did you really like her?"

We all waited for an answer.

We stayed silent like we knew what answer was coming.

Don't think about it too much,
too much,
too much,
too much.
-Rap Monster