Promise

26

Thursday
I woke up early feeling extremely nauseous. I was very nervous for today and tomorrow, i would have to face the people who traumatized me. Ashton had given me medication for my anxiety and sleeping pills after therapy yesterday. We talked about court and how i felt about it. To be honest i really don't know how to feel about the entire situation with my uncle because deep down he was still family and i loved him. But he had done so much to hurt me that i was also very happy that he was finally getting the punishment that he deserved. I was more scared for Friday when i had to face George who surprisingly had pleaded guilty. Luke had said that i didn't need to say antthing at both trials. That calmed me down a little bit but not enough for my anxiety to leave me alone.

In 2 hours we would have to leave the house to go to court. I decided to just get ready early since i didn't really know what else to do with my time. I showered for a solid 40 minutes just to enjoy the fact that i could actually have a long warm shower without worrying about having to pay the waterbill. I got out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror that was still covered.

I took a deep breath and slowly pulled the towel of the shower. Immediately a face stared back at me, but for the first time in a long time i recognized the face as my own. There weren't any bruises or cuts and my cheeks had a light red colour. I genuinely felt happy about that, i had conquered one of my fears. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth. I rinsed my mouth and looked back at the mirror only to see myself all bloody and pale looking back. I let out a scream and fell back on the floor. My breathing was getting faster and i felt tears forming in my eyes. Why can't i just be normal? I let my head hit the wall and i closed my eyes, i wanted to remove that damm image from my mind.

"Are you okay in there?" Luke said while knocking on the bathroom door. I must have woking him up with my scream considering his room is next to mine. I didn't really know what to say back to him. I wasn't okay but how could i possibly tell him that i can't even look in a fucking mirror without freaking out. I got up with my eyes still closed just to make sure i wouldn't see the mirror. I opened the door and stepped out with my eyes closed.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

I opend my eyes and let a few tears run down my face. "Nothing's wrong. My brain is just damaged." I said to him.

He wiped the tears from my face "Your brain is not damaged." He said while moving forward to hug me.

We both held each other without saying anything for a couple of minutes. Luke broke the silence "Why did you scream?"
I pulled away from him so i could properly look him in the eyes. "I saw myself in the mirror. But it wasn't me as i am right now. It was the person i was a few weeks ago and that scared me. I'm sorry i woke you up for something that dumb."

He tugged a lose strand of hair behind my ear "I am glad you woke me up cause this doesn't sound dumb to me. Shall we look at the mirror together?"

I let out a hesitant "yes" and held his hand as we walked into the bathroom. I kept my eyes closed.

"Open your eyes and tell me what you see." Luke now stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders.

I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to adjust my eyes to the bright light. The reflection was normal again, it was myself staring back into my eyes. I looked at Luke trough the mirror "I see myself as i am right now, healthy and not hurt."
Luke smiled at me "Do you see anthing else?"
I gave him a cheeky smile and said "I see a tall gaint standing behind me but it can also be a homeless jesus. I'm not really sure."
Luke laughed at my joke "Awh that hurt my feelings." I also wanted to laugh but i something stopped me so i just returned an smile.

Of course we had to wait on Michael. He was never ready in time. We were all already sitting in the car, Ashton was driving, Luke sat in the front seat and was sitting in the back with Calum and Michael. We left the house 10 minutes later than planned. Each one of us had there own reasons to be late. Calum forgot his phone, Ashton needed to fix his hair, Luke was worried about his outfit and Michael wanted to finish his game. I also was a bit late because i couldn't find a good outfit. I didn't really have a lot clothes and most of the  clothes that i had were ripped and old. But i had 1 outfit that was still in perfect condition and looked nice enough for court. It was the dress i had worn to my brother's funeral, it was a wide black see through dress with dots on them. I wore a tight black underdress underneath it because it was see through. The dress brought back a lot of memories but it also made me feel like my brother was still here to support me. He would want to see my uncle rot in jail.

I was bouncing my knee while we were sitting in the courtroom waiting for security to bring in my uncle. Calum was sitting next to me and placed his hand on my knee to stop me from bouncing it. "I'm nervous" i said to him keeping my eyes focused on the door were my uncle would be brought in. "I know but this will all be over soon. He will finally get what he deserves."

"What if he is mad at me?"

Calum placed his hands on my face and forced me to look at him. "We will be here to protect you. "

I sighed and let my head fall on his shoulder. He was right i felt safe as long i was sitting close to them, they would be able to protect me from him.

My uncle was brought into the room and the trail started. He had plead guilty to most of the accusations so the jury would only have to decide his sentence. His eyes scaned the room as he was brought in, he was looking for me. But he couldn't see me. He looked exhausted, he probably was forced to be sober. The last time i had seen him a 100% sober was when my aunt was still alive. It made my sad to see him sitting there all alone and broken. I suddenly remembered the man he used to be, the man who would let my brother and i stay up late watching movies, the man who caked a cake for my birthday. I hadn't noticed it but my breathing was getting faster. I was about to have a anxiety attack. Calum stroked my hair and placed my head on his chest. "I need you to follow my breathing."
I listened to his heartbeat and felt myself slowly calming down. I stayed like that for the rest of the trail.

I looked up when the judge slammed his hammer against the small wooden block. He got 5 years in prison with no bail. 5 years seemed long enough to me but all the the guys seemed pretty unhappy with it.
"That's way to fucking short. He could've gotten at least 10." Ashton said angrily while we were walking out of the building. I decided that staying quiet was the best option right now. I had read a lot of books about crimes and punishment, most of the time the sentences were extremely low. Knowing this made my extra nervous for tomorrow, how long will George be locked up for? I definitely did not want to see him again. He really broke me.

Michael brought me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I wasn't scared about seeing my uncle and i think that that made my feel very anxious."

"What do you think about the sentence?"

I shrugged "I think it's long enough for him to sober up and to think clearly about his life." I could tell that saying this made the guys confused. They were all so mad at him and i wasn't. I ignored their looks and stared out of the window. "He wasn't always mean. He used to be the person who dried my tears and comforted my when i was scared. And i still believe that he can be that person again. I firsts thought that i could do that but i couldn't. So i am happy that he is getting help. But i will never forgive him for the things he did to me and i never want to see him again."

Michael wrapped his arm around me and we drove home in a comforting silence.