Dr. Leafhead: The Complete Saga

Part 2, Chapter 7: Red Cape Man Returns and the Siege of the House

                           Red Cape Man Returns and the Siege of the House

Leafhead wasn't aware (but probably would have guessed) that incredible things had been going on ever since the Red-Cape Man movie had premiered. There already seemed to be an obsessive cult-following who believed the film to be laden with prophetic qualities and subliminal messages. These fans were known for rewatching the movie many times while absurdly scrutinizing every detail. Some of the more fervent followers believed the characters and actions to be inspired by true events.

All over the country there were pockets of people watching the movie on repeat. They weren't far off from the truth.

Scar-face was aware of the cult status. He was ecstatic. This is exactly what he wanted from the film, for it to take on a life of its own and continue to be watched by as many people as possible. A long shelf life was important. The more invested these people were in the films the better.

Seemingly the entire crew of Intel Agents at Chateau Leafhead were gathered in the Universe-Interpreter Tent. Scar-face had arranged a screening of Red Cape Man and the Purple-Robed Freak vs. The Mad Scientist. The crew were there to enjoy some downtime from the perpetual workload. Scar-face was there to further take notes and study the subliminal messages.

Leafhead observed many agents descending upon the front lawn.

"They're all gathered near the Interpreter," Leafhead said to me.

"Why?"

"I don't know, but it's gotta be all of them. Dozens have been pouring out of the house."

"That's weird."

"We strike tonight," suddenly declared Leafhead. "It's the perfect time."

I wished we had some more time to plan our attack but I didn't argue with Leafhead. I knew he was right. Ordinarily there are people scattered all over every nook of the house. Who knows when we would get another chance like this.

"We'll approach from the south lawn, behind the house," he explained. "The most obscure basement windows open up if you pluck the right blade of grass."

"Wait, what?" I said, laughing. "A blade of grass?"

"I used to always accidentally lock myself out of the house before I installed the telepathic locking mechanisms," said Leafhead. "So I installed a permanent hidden key of sorts. There is a blade of grass near the south basement windows that is in fact not a blade of grass at all but a carefully concealed electronic connection to the locking bolts of the windows. One push of the grass blade and those windows will open right up!"

"That sounds difficult. How can you possibly remember which blade of grass it is?"

"It's painted red," said Leafhead. "A single blade of red grass... an alien presence in a sea of green. Easy to spot if you know it's there... easy to miss if you don't."

"That sounds like it might work," I conceded.

"Alert the lizard-folk. We move out as soon as they get here."

I pulled on a small rope that exited out of the window of the tree-fort. This piece of rope ran for miles through the forest, ending at the lizard's camp.

The rope was tied to a bell, beside which sat a lizard who's entire duty was to sit near the bell and listen. Why the lizard-folk couldn't have had a louder bell that alerted the entire village at once was beyond me. Nevertheless, the quiet bell rang out. Groobin, the Bell Guard, barely awoke from the sound of it. Fifteen minutes later he efficiently alerted the village. The lizard-folk descended upon the backyard of Chateau Leafhead for the first time since they had left the house all those years ago.

Leafhead and I met the group on the edge of the forest. There were many of them, all brandishing laser guns. They wore a camouflage that rendered them practically invisible. At first I thought they must be equipped with some cloaking technology a la Leafhead, but they assured me it was all just carefully selected animal hides, fresh mosses, branches and the basic know-how.

"Ok," said Leafhead to the group. "We shouldn't have a problem getting to those windows. Still, it will be easy to be spotted on the lawn and there's a long way to go... so we'll sprint for it. Move as fast and quiet as you can and then hug the wall of the house."

There were a few skeptical murmurs from the lizard-folk regarding the plan to locate a particular blade of grass at nighttime. Leafhead ignored them.

"The mission here is not to kill the agents," stated Leafhead. "We're going to round them up and drive them from the property. I don't think they'll return when they realize what they're up against. But if they do return... then... I don't know... we'll deal with that later."

More skeptical murmurs.

"The laser-guns are only to be used if in defense," concluded Leafhead. "Now let's move out!"

Leafhead and the army moved quickly and quietly towards the house. I followed along as fast as I could. By the time I caught up, wheezing and gasping, the army was already hugging the wall while Leafhead scurried around looking for the grass. He used only a small headlight that projected light no further than in front of his toes.

"What are you doing?" I whispered. "You haven't found it yet?!"

"Shut up!" said Leafhead. "I need another minute."

He looked worried. I thought he would know right where it was.

"Wasn't this years ago?" I asked. "How do you even know it's still there?"

"Because I just found it," said Leafhead triumphantly.

He pushed the switch. A basement window, just large enough for an entire lizard army to slither through one-by-one, clicked open.

"Ok, here's the plan," said Leafhead. "The lizard army and me and are going to move through the house and round up any stray agents we find along the way. We're then going to use the front door to storm the tent. A small group of lizards will stay behind and watch over the stray agents."

I thought it sounded like a good plan.

"But what am I going to do?" I asked.

"Good point," said Leafhead. "You're going to make your way to the LabCentre and hide on Mars for a hours."

"What?" I asked.

"Seriously," said Leafhead. "We don't need you. Look around, I have an entire army of deadly lizards. Enough interns have died on my watch. There's no reason at all for you to risk your life."

I wanted to insist I fight on behalf of the house, but I didn't. It was the right call.

"You remember the green door?" asked Leafhead.

"Yeah, of course."

"Good. I'll get you when we've reclaimed the house. If I don't arrive before the portal vanishes, it means we lost the house or I've died. In that case try to sneak out of the house and back into the forest."

"Right."

"That's it," said Leafhead. "Good luck everyone."