Dr. Leafhead: The Complete Saga

Part 2, Chapter 2: Meanwhile at Chateau Leafhead

                                  

                                  Meanwhile at Chateau Leafhead

"How is our progress going?" said Scar-face as he entered the hospital area.

Many workers were busy deciphering the secrets of the house. That is, they were attempting and so far failing this task. A whole crew of lab-coats occupied the hospital. One of them turned to reply to Scar-face.

"We're still trying to figure out what all this stuff is for!" enthusiastically said one of the more primary Agents. His name was Jethro Hologram. "As of yet we've got no idea at all!"

Jethro was referring to all the various hospital equipment I'd morphed with the Matter-Rearranger. The Stitcher, Re-Organator, Limb-Replicator, Hearing-Laser, X-Ray Umbrella and Brain-Surgeon Bot respectively appeared to look like a kitchen sink, still-life painting, Commodore-64 computer, gerbil cage, broken surfboard and finally a textbook about potted ferns and how to morph them into chaotically violent reptiles. Revolutionary inventions posing as useless junk. But Scar-face and his crew could tell by the way all this stuff was gathered in one fortified room and placed intermittently on counter-tops that it was of some importance.

"What good is this to Leafhead?" asked Scar-face as he angrily picked up the Commodore-64 computer.

"One of the agents believes these items aren't exactly what they appear," said Jethro. "There was apparently a flicker."

"What do you mean, a flicker?" asked Scar-face.

"Supposedly one of these items appeared to flicker... as if it were the glitch of a visual illusion."

"Which item and what did it look like?" asked Scar-face.

Jethro pointed at the Commodore-64, which was actually the advanced Limb-Replicator.

"It was that one," he said. "It flashed and flickered and just for a moment appeared to look like some sort of heavy-duty machinery."

Jethro expected Scar-face to write this off as ridiculous. But of course Scar-face was well aware of the high level of wizardry going on with Dr. Leafhead.

"You're on the right track," said Scar-face. "Keep experimenting with different levels and combinations of ultra-violet rays, or gamma rays... whatever kind of rays we've got. Just figure out what all this stuff is, and fast!"

"Yes boss," said Jethro.

Leafhead exited the hospital and wandered down the Prime Hallway. He approached the barricaded entrance to the South-West Wing. Another crew of workers were busy at work.

"How goes it here?" asked Scar-face. "Any progress towards gaining entry?"

"It isn't looking good," admitted a worker named Kharl. He was visibly terrified of mere interaction with Scar-face, not to mention presenting bad news. "We still have no idea how to get through these doors or what's inside."

"What have you been trying?" asked Scar-face.

"So far we've tried dynamite, sulfuric acid, liquid nitrogen, high-frequency sound emissions, sonic-booms, poetic riddles, haikus, rifles, cannons, ghosts, battering rams, complex computer algorithms, soothing music, higher quantities of dynamite, knocking loudly, concentrated nuclear detonations, flame-throwers, solar-flares, I think..."

"Have you tried asking politely?" interrupted Scar-face, turning.

"PLEASE OPEN UP!" he shouted at the blocked entrance. Nothing happened.

"Asking politely was one of the first things we tried," said Kharl. "Was my idea in fact. Some of the crew thought it was a brilliant deduction... but no such luck."

"Shut up," said Scar-face. "Is there any way to see inside? Do any of the neighboring rooms have windows?"

"No, sir," replied Kharl. "We tried sending in drones with videos cameras, but we haven't quite figured out how to get them through the actual physical wall."

"Well figure it out!" shouted Scar-face as if it was reasonable to request the invention of drones that can pass through solid walls. "That's the type of thing Leafhead could do in his sleep!"

"Yes, sir." Kharl backed away slowly.

Scar-face walked down the rest of the Prime Hallway and exited the Chateau. In the front lawn they had installed a tented laboratory facility around the Universe Interpreter. Figuring out the secrets of this machine was one of the top priorities. The tented site looked exactly like the sort of place the government always has immediately constructed around the location of an alien encounter/contamination/crash-site in a sci-fi movie.

"How are things going in here?" demanded Scar-face as he entered the tented area.

"We still don't understand the purpose of this machine," said Rellio Nevenk, the guy who had been unfortunately assigned with the task of understanding the Interpreter.

An impossible feat for a random newcomer. Even Leafhead himself barely understands how that thing works.

"What about these?" asked Scar-face, picking up the Dreamcatchers.

"As far as we know... they catch the dreams," replied Rellio.

Scar-face internally grimaced. He let the Dreamcatchers slip carelessly from his hands.

"Is there anything to eat in this entire opulent mansion?!" suddenly shouted Scar-face. "I'm starving!"

"Don't eat the perogies," suddenly chimed in a guy standing in the background. He was covered in red paint. "They aren't perogies."

"I wasn't planning on eating the perogies," replied Scar-face. "Do I look like a complete moron?! Everyone here knows that Leafhead made paint-bombs that look like perogies."

"Well nobody told me," said the red-paint guy. "Could have used that information about three and a half hours ago. Doesn't anyone send out memos anymore?"

"Evidently," muttered Scar-face.

"There's a food truck for Obscurity Sandwich just outside!" suggested Rellio.

"Have them immediately banned from the property," ordered Scar-face. "Their only intention was the surveillance of Leafhead for the intention of conquering the property. We've already done all that. We don't need them. That was all part of the first bit. It's not a total rehash, you know."

"Right," said Rellio.

Scar-face exited the tent, leaving the impossible task of understanding the Universe Interpreter to the poor souls. He walked a short distance across the lawn until he reached the makeshift hospital tent that had recently appeared.

"How many agents did we lose today?" he asked.

The resident surgeon, Agent Frost, produced a clipboard.

"Three agents fell into a coma due to the inhalation of some sort of dried plant spores. We suspect they are extraterrestrial in origin."

"Yes, go on," said Scar-face.

"Two agents perished from that sudden airborne influenza yesterday."

"Damnit!" shouted Scar-face. "How did that happen?"

"Apparently there were some hidden vials in a basement room. Somebody thought they better open them up and experiment on the composition. The moment the vials were breached there was a deadly airborne influenza diffusing throughout the mansion. We also suspect the germs to be of extraterrestrial origin."

Scar-face looked around at the sick/wounded agents.

Leafhead will pay for this devastation, he thought.