My Diary of Life: It's Only as Awkward as You Make it, and Boy, was it Awkward.

8th Grade & My So Called, "First Love"

Dear Watty,

8th grade year, all I remember on the first day of school is finding Lilly, her long hair cut into a cute bob. She is so pretty. Really nothing special happened in 8th grade, I was less on the computer now and had more friends. I really like my AB teacher who also happens to be my English teacher. English is my favorite subject. I’ve always loved reading and I was just getting into writing although everything I tried writing sucks.

8th grade was sadly uneventful. I had an almost boyfriend. I really disappointed I blew it. One day after school we were talking and all of a sudden he said “So it would be weird if I were to ask you out huh?...” Too bad my brain was on boy talk and I said yes. I wanted to die. He was so cute and sweet but was a total clown and bad-ass in front of the teachers. Not to mention for some reason I still have a crush on the tuba player. Who I found out was a giant pot head. We started talking a little but there’s no reason for this crush connection. Maybe it’s because he’s tall…

I told my friends I was bi and they took it really well, it wasn’t a big deal to them and I was sooooo glad. I don’t know what I would do without them. Although some how I got spread through the black 7th graders so after school if I was standing next to a girl I would get cat calls and be asked if they were my girlfriend, or asked if I would go out with some random girl I have never met.

WHY do I like this tuba kid?!

 I ended up going back to that chat after a while from pure boredom and I met this guy, filled with troubled teen angst he stood 6’8, with medium long emo hair, and the only guy online to show me his real picture. I had him and he had me. We loved each other and that was it.

Me and Lilly were becoming the great friends. We eat together every day and we have art together. I found out that she had this boy she was ‘talking’ to. For some reason I made my heart hurt. I blew it off as not wanting her to get hurt.

I cheated on him. It had been a while since I talked to him and- Oh god, I felt sick. I cheated on him with his best friend, we didn’t go very far but I’m so disgusted with myself. I told him instantly after it happened. I never told him with whom though. He forgave me and I felt worse. As a punishment I carved his name is my arm. I’m so disgusting. He was my longest fake relationship. We actually talked on the phone and I loved to listen to his voice. I wanted to be closer with him but I knew if he met me in real he wouldn’t feel the same way he did. Before long we got tired of not being, in reality, together. A year and a half later we decided that it would be best if we weren’t together any long. That’s when I stopped getting on that chat basically for good. Except for the holiday visits, since I did make some good friends there. What can I say? It was fun while it lasted.

Oh! I forgot to tell you. I figured out why I’m so upset about Lilly and her new boyfriend.

Turns out I’m in love with her.

Sincerely, A Very Confused Smilie Girl @.@