Invisible || h.s.

29: True Colors

This is how a younger, pink-haired Hope looks in my mind. I know her face looks too mature to be a 15-16 year old girl, but just imagine she's younger in this gif!

__________

5 years earlier

Happiness. Pure, unadulterated happiness is the only way to describe what I felt the moment I was informed of Robb and Julia's decision to adopt me.

It did take me by surprise at first; I couldn't help but wonder whether it was actually happening, or if I'd just imagined the whole thing. I remember spending the first night after hearing the news tossing around in my bed, feeling both excited and anxious of what's to come—after all, kids my age rarely ever get adopted. After giving it some more thought, I came to a conclusion that it had to be an impossible stroke of luck, because the only alternative could be fate playing cruel tricks on me.

Unfortunately for me, I was right. Life eventually kicked me in the ass real hard.

The first three months in my new home consisted of moments taken straight out of a fairytale: decorating my new bedroom however I wanted without anyone dictating the terms; bonding with Julia over our mutual love for books; helping Robb pick out a new car; finally having real family meals together.

I'd never yearned for those things before, because you can't miss what you never had, right? Once I got a taste of familial love, I realized I could never let that feeling go. Allowing myself to become dependent on Robb was exactly what got me in trouble later, when it was already too late to turn back.

Looking back, it's easy to catch the warning signs. Perhaps if I had been raised in a different kind of environment—one that paid more attention to educating kids about dangers of the outside world—I would have been able to predict Robb's intentions.

But, these are just pointless what ifs. Hindsight is always better than foresight.

At first, it seemed innocent enough, with a couple of lingering looks here and there, a hand pressed suspiciously low to my back, compliments kind only on the surface. Being the naive girl I was, I didn't think much of it, simply reading his behaviour as affectionate gestures of my new foster father.

However, those sweet words became poison once I realized the true intent behind them. Suddenly the short sundress that Robb had gifted me for my fifteenth birthday started to weigh heavily on my shoulders; all because of that glint in his eyes each time he saw me wearing it. Before I knew it, I was feeling his presence in the bathroom while I was taking a shower, lingering there despite my meek words of protest.

Feeling like I owed Robb for giving me the chance to live with him and his wife, I tried my best to ignore all this and go on with my life like nothing bad was happening. It was better to focus on the positive aspects, like Julia, and the fact that I was no longer alone. I finally had a place to call my own.

I don't think I realized back then that this thing could escalate into something even more horrifying. I had heard stories back at the orphanage—stories of older girls who got adopted and then sent back because of their 'inappropriate' behaviour. I'd heard of their tears, and how they swore none of it was their fault. But these were just ghost stories, why would it ever happen to me?

And so, I hid away in my bubble of denial until it burst one awful night, when I woke up to the sound of heavy breathing above me. My entire body frozen in fear, I mustered just enough courage to peek one of my eyes open. That's when I saw him, looking at me intently with his right hand down his pants.