Invisible || h.s.

9: Losing control

I woke up to the feeling of a heavy arm draped over my stomach, as well as hot breath fanning against my cheek. The sensation was pleasant and calming, making my heavy eyelids slowly drop shut. I'm sure I would have drifted off again if not for the sound of the howling wind and rainfall outside; the noise was unsettling, causing my mind to snap back to reality.

My eyes fought to adjust to the darkness as I laid there unmoving, blinking repeatedly. I slid my hand down my body, placing it on top of the large palm resting on my stomach—much too big to be female. I looked to my left and realized that Heidi had moved in her sleep and was now draped over Niall's body, far away from me. That can only mean...

My breath hitched in my throat as I turned my head to see Harry's face just inches away from mine. The familiar feeling of panic started to build up in my chest, because he was close. Way too close. I couldn't handle the proximity of his body, not to mention the weight of his arm, which was slowly beginning to feel suffocating. It's so heavy.

I sprung up into a sitting position, Harry's arm falling off my body in the process. I didn't bother to stop and check whether my actions had woken anyone up—all I knew is that I needed to get away, desperately. I barely had enough mind to put my shoes on before I ran out into the pouring rain.

I must have been walking around blindly for at least a couple of minutes before I stopped, bending over with my chest heaving painfully. I was completely drenched, head to toe, only now realising I was wearing nothing but my thin black tank top and jeans. The moment I started to shiver I knew I was in serious trouble, and I started to furiously rub my arms to create any semblance of warmth in my freezing body.

Locating the direction I had come from was proving to be an impossible task, both due to my blurry vision and the heavy rain blocking my sight. I'm so dumb. Why did I leave like that?

I knew the reason for my irrational behaviour was the fact that I've once again allowed the destructive thoughts in my head to overwhelm me. Feeling weak and defeated, I collapsed against a nearby tree, heavy sobs wrecking my body.

You're so pathetic, you dumb little girl... I swore I heard a whisper next to my ear, mixed with the sound of the swooshing wind.

"Go away," I whimpered, covering my ears with my hands in a desperate attempt to block out the voices in my head.

Look where you are now without me...

"You're dead!" I yelled helplessly, trying to lift myself up from the ground on shaky legs. I took two steps forward until I abruptly stopped in my tracks, not believing my own eyes.

A silhouette of a man appeared right in front of me—like a memory of a bad dream, taunting me. His cold eyes focused right on me as he sneered, You thought you could get rid of me? I'll always be with you...

"No!" I screamed as loud as I could, letting out all the frustration, humiliation and pain that was swirling inside of me.

The action left me completely drained of any willpower to keep searching for the way back, so I collapsed to the ground, laying there in a fetal position for an unknown period of time. My limbs were becoming numb from the cold, but I was too terrified to lift my head up, afraid of seeing the object of my worst nightmares again.

"Hope!" a frantic male voice called out from somewhere near by, the voice eventually getting closer to me. Before I realized what was happening, someone had kneeled down next to me, then two strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me up into a sitting position.

"No, let me go, let me go," I repeated over and over again, struggling hysterically in the man's arms, but his grip was firm and unrelenting.