Saved By Him

#18

Lucas

It hurt to see her like this. I hated what happened to her and I hated the fact that I couldn’t protect her from it. But like my mother said. I can’t protect her from everything and that was what hurt the most. The fact that I couldn’t protect her from this. I fell to the ground. My legs had no more strength, this was too much. I was kneeling next to her. I knew she couldn’t see me and I didn’t want her to see me like this. I could not let her see she had such a strong hold on my heart. If she did know the control she had over me she would know she had the power to destroy me. I loved Kim and there was nothing that would ever take that away from me.

I grabbed on to the railing that was stuck to the bed to make sure she wouldn’t fall in case she moved the slightest bit. I pulled myself up until I was standing and walked around to the chair that was there.

I sat and looked around the room. It was a sad room. The walls were all white and there was nothing inside but the bed and the IV thing with the machine that monitored her heartbeat. There was one window but it was shut. I could easily stand up and open it but I didn’t want to. I wanted to sit under the fluorescent lights and look at Kim. She looked so peaceful. If you didn’t see the IV connected to her arms and didn’t hear the beeps of the heart monitors she would look dead. Her chest was barely moving with every breath she took. The color of her skin was almost as white as snow.

I take her hand. The one that was closest to me. For a moment there I thought she was going to hold my hand back. That she was going to tighten her grip on my hand and turn to look at me with the beautiful smile she always wears. The same smile that made me fall for her. But no. Her hand was still limp in my own and made me lower my head and the tears began to fall. I wasn’t crying because she didn’t hold my hand. I’m not a little girl. I was crying because I was scared for her. I was scared for me. All in all I was scared. I was petrified of losing her. In the past couple months I began to realize that I loved her more and more the more I saw her smile, the more I saw her be herself.

“Kim?”

I looked up at her. Maybe if I spoke to her she would wake up and look at me with her beautiful brown eyes.

“Kim? I know you can’t hear me but I guess I’m just holding on the hope that if I do talk to you, you’ll wake up and look at me with those doe eyes you have that had my attention since day one.”

I chuckled at my stupid words.

“Any way, I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And I’m begging you not to leave me. I know we didn’t start of in the greatest way. We would fight and annoy each other just because we knew we could. But at the end of the day I would sit in my bed and wonder why the hell I couldn’t just come out and tell you how I felt. Now I know why. I didn’t want to get my heart broken. Not again, I wouldn’t be able to cope. The last time was too painful and it took me way too long to be myself again. But then again, I never really went back to being myself like how I was before the shit hit the fan. I’ll tell you the story one day juts not while you’re unconscious.  I want to see your face and your reactions to the story.”

I looked down at her hand that was still limp in my own and it made me sad all over again.

I sighed.

“Kim? Please wake up. I want to talk to you. I want to watch movies with you, I want to be able to bother you and make you angry just because I think it’s fun.  Please don’t give up. Keep fighting, if you leave I might have to leave with you because you are the one who has such a tight hold on my heart.”

I sat there being silent for a while. Looking at her. After a while I put my head on her bed next to her legs and held on to her hand not wanting to let her go. I stared at her and soon after a while my vision began to get blurry and I began to fall asleep. I fell into the sweet darkness for a while.