Hi, again. [H.S]

77. Meltdown

Harry's POV
Ava stayed silent after I told her the test results came back and it was confirmed that she was diagnosed with stage three Hodgkin Lymphoma. I told her everything that Liam told me and while I did, I fought back every tear that I had forming trying to show her how strong I was for her. She said nothing. There was no expression on her face. Nothing that I could make out, she just sat there. Her grip on my hands had loosened as I told her about it but she stayed completely still.

"Ava, baby, talk to me" I looked up at her, cupping her face with my hands, holding her cheeks softly caressing them. She was still. We stayed like this for a while as I scanned her face trying to pick up some form of emotion but I picked up absolutely nothing. It had been a few minutes and she still hadn't said anything. She looked almost, numb?

"I'm going to die." She whispered, my eyes widened at her

"Av-" she cut me off

"I'm going to die," she said louder this time, her hands cupping her mouth as it widened "I'm going to die!" She screamed falling to the ground, tears streaming down her face. I gulped shutting my eyes tightly before crouching down to her level.

"No don't say that, we'll be okay c' mere my love" I leaned over trying to put my hands around her shoulders, she pushed me away

"Stop it stop it stop it! fucking hell Harry! Oh my-" she was panting, breathing out heavily unable to form words "oh my god oh my god" she kept repeat as I sat there, head down watching her "When did you find out huh? Huh?" She asked me, I looked down. "How long?" She persisted

"Found out on Wednesday" I muttered, she looked up at me in disbelief

"Harry today's Sunday, it's been four days and you didn't think to tell me? That my cancer is getting worse?!" She was screaming at this point and I could feel the hurt in her voice as she did

"Baby I was just trying to protec-" she cut me off

"Protect me, right? Well, news flash Harry You've been trying for the last six months but nothing and I mean nothing is going to change the fact that I. Am. Sick. That I. Am. Dying. That I'm practically dead!" She screamed as my eyes flicked up to meet hers, I opened my eyes to speak but was interrupted by Indie who walked into the kitchen

"Everything okay?" She asked softly looking over at me and Ava

"Nothing is okay! You, you're supposed to be my best friend and you're supposed to be my boyfriend but you two hid this from me! God, I'm so fucking sick of you guys treating me like this, Harry you've stopped going into work because of me, you have to cook, clean, do everything in the house because I can't fucking get down the stairs by myself. You smile at me but I see it I see just how much pain you're in and it's because of me! And Indie, you take Emily to school every day something that I should be doing but I can't because I can't even drive without feeling weak. I can't do anything at all and you guys chose to do everything for me. Why? I don't deserve this, I'm a burden to you guys so just stop god just stop!" She ranted, yelling at both of us who stared back at her amused.

"Baby, you are not a burden we love you and you want you to be okay" myself and Indie nodded at her as I tried to hold her hands again, she flinched once more.

"Well then stop sugarcoating everything! Stop pretending like we're okay when we're not! Stop telling me I'll get better when I won't! Harry, you deserve happiness not this! Not me. After everything that happened with Jay, Gemma's death, and now the burden that is me? You don't deserve any of this. I see you trying to show me your okay, I saw you crying today but when you saw me you wiped it away. We're supposed, to be honest with each other but for the last six months you've put on a brave face, one that I don't deserve. Both of you stop pretending like this isn't as bad as it is. I'm going to die, soon enough I'll hit stage four and then I'll be gone. And you know what? Maybe it'll be good if I do. At least then you guys can go back to living a life that is happy, that is worth living and you won't have to worry about me!" She got up, holding onto the kitchen counter and ran towards the staircase

"Ava! Ava!" Indie yelled as I got up too,

"Leave me alone!" Ava yelled as she ran up the stairs, as quickly as she could and locked herself into our bedroom.

my head fell into my hands as I let out a deep sigh, trying to process what Ava had just said.

Ava's POV
when I got inside the room I instantly shut the door, locking it before sliding down against it. I curled my legs up to my chest resting my head against my knees as I cried. I was panting and my entire body felt like it was about to give out, I was in no way energetic enough to run up those stairs as quickly as I did and I was definitely feeling it now. My throat was dry and my eyes were sore, as I continued to pant strongly holding my hand against my chest to steady myself. I was having a full-blown panic attack. One that I hadn't had in years, "fuck fuck fuck" I muttered under my breath holding tightly against the fabric of my t-shirt trying to breathe at a steady pace.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Those four words spun over and over in my head as I grasped onto my hair, feeling my nails dig into the lengths of my tangled hair, I tried screaming but nothing was coming out. I was utterly helpless lost in my own dark thoughts

"Ava come on open the door!" I heard indie bang against the door, I had no energy to yell back so I just listened to her bang against the door as I sat against the floor. "Ava, don't do this please" Indie was now sat against the door, I could feel her through the door. We were silent for what felt like forever. "I have to go pick the kids up, I know your listening to me. I'll take Emily to mine for the night, I know this isn't ideal but don't shut us out. Don't shut Harry out, he's dying out there. I love you so much and I'll always be rooting for you. Take care, my love, I'll see you soon" I heard her shuffle and her footsteps began to fade away.