Lovers

Ch. 14: Fine Line

Fine Line- Harry Styles

"Put a price on emotion. I'm looking for something to buy. You've got my devotion
But man, I can hate you sometimesI don't want to fight you. And I don't wanna sleep in the dirt. We'll get the drinks in. So I'll get to thinking of her."

TW: rape and talks of SA

Dawn POV.

Is this dumb? Most likely so, but I'm already here at The Grounds Cafe, a steaming cup of coffee in my hand at 8am. Some self-reflection had me thinking last night. Jake called and noticed me he was able to find a roommate in San Jose.  He sounded a bit distressed, I assumed only it was about the move, but it was about Terry. A part of him felt bad at his reaction. I as well have remorse, and I wish I could explain this to Terry. This is the only way I know how to keep an eye on Jake, as he spirals. Maybe it's not the most logical solution, but I know I will be there for him. I can't rely on someone who wouldn't care for him as I would.

And maybe that is selfish to say, but it still got me thinking that there was no way of explaining it in the first place because we loath each other. Well he may, I've gotten over the petty arguing, and how he didn't think I was right for Jake.  It had me thinking though, I want to burn the bridges that I created. One by one I would destroy the enemies that I developed because of Jake. I became this person that was unrecognizable. There were good attributes, no shame in that. I was able to stick up for myself when no one else would. But there was sense of intitlement that I consumed along with the backbone. Was I really selfish like how everyone had pegged me to be? Jake included. Yes, he was. Once I realized who I bacame because of Jake, I wanted to end that part of myself. There was a lot of angry within me, that was lit by Jake, and I took it out on a lot of people. Whether it was valid or not, I knew I didn't want this part any longer.

First on my list was Serena.

I knew it was going to be hard to meet up with her. It took some selfishness to get her to meet me now. I made an Instagram in the beginning of summer, much to Alice's delight. She found it so weird that I didn't rely on Instagram for the news.

Finding Serena's social media was easy, so it didn't take long for me to message her at the late of 1 am. I thought maybe she would be asleep, and that she would ignore the DM, but I guess if you put 'urgent' and 'Jake needs you' it gets you moving. I would be.

So she responds within fifteen minutes, telling me to meet her here. At Coffee Grounds. Jake would be on his morning run. I know he still does this routine, considering he still doesn't have good sleep.

I sip on my coffee slower and slower, debating if I should leave now. Why would she agree to meet me? Only because it's under the impression that something is wrong with Jake. Well there is, but that's not why she's here. I'm the only one Jake needs. There's that voice again, the one that leaks toxic thoughts in my head, making me feel like I'm not in control. And there's no other way for me to change my thought process. W

It's empty here. Only one or two people on laptops at this early of the morning. A few workers are behind the coutners, laughing aimlessly at another coworkers tasteless jokes of how early it is. One wipes the counter one too many times, the once damp cloth, now dry and smearing white flecks across the black marble. So wastless, but you're just passing time to the next improtant element you are yearning for. I feel like most of the time you're just waiting for something to happen, and your'e not going out your way to make something magical. I use to feel that way constantly. Waiting for my Prince Charming, and my happy ending. I never met eitehr, though most people don't find there happy ending until they're more mautre, but in the fiary tales they're much younger, late teens, whisked away into a mysterious forest. And your'e prince is there, and you become king and queen. But this isn't fairy tales, nor will I ever become a queen.