Happy Utopia Day, Joe McCarthy

Chapter 3

This is the most unheard of thing I have ever heard of. 

—Senator Joseph McCarthy 

"Double or nothing,” the president says.

“Deal,” I say.

The president winks at me and begins playing Bulls-Eye Ball. He fidgets back and forth to the music and bounces the steel balls toward the target. “You win,” he says when the game ends. 

The president rises. Vance Slater walks over and the three of us form a triangle, like we’re at a cocktail party. 

“I think Thompson has a grasp of the situation,” the president says. 

I have no experience with politics and even less with deception, but I have agreed to help the president, so I join in his charade. I think back and try to remember the main points of my CIA application. “The Canadians are the ones to really worry about.” 

“Exactly,” the president says. 

“Mexico wants their land back, but Canada wants it all.” 

“All the way down to New Orleans and their Cajun brothers.” The president rubs his eyes. He looks tired. “The Frenchies are still pissed off about the Louisiana Purchase and us swiping the Statue of Liberty. I’m not worried about the Canadians who think they’re Americans—it’s the ones who think they’re French that scare me.” 

“They could be working together,” I say. 

“The American Canadians and the French Canadians?” 

“No, Mexico and Canada, Mr. President.” 

“The bastards!” 

Slater has been raising his finger wanting to talk. “Fellas. You’re getting ahead of yourselves.” 

The president does not seem to hear him. He walks back and forth clenching his jaw. “Let’s deal with Mexico first. I think we need Thompson on the front lines.” 

“Front lines?” 

“You’re the only one to have predicted and understand the whole situation. We need you as our liaison at our secret Emergence post at Area 51 right away.” 

“Tell me you’re not going to bring aliens into this,” I say. 

“Area 22,” Slater says. 

“No aliens,” the president says. “Like I told you. Emergence is a strategic intelligence operations center. Who knows what they do? Probably high-tech stuff that I don’t understand. You ever Facebook or Twitter, Thompson?” 

“My wife is on Facebook, and I signed up for Twitter only to follow Lance Armstrong.” 

“A true American hero, disgraced by drugs,” Slater says. 

“Could have been remembered as the greatest Tour de France rider ever,” I say. 

“Now he’ll only be the first man on the moon,” the president says. “Or did they strip him of that too?” 

I pause to stop myself from correcting the president. “Area 51 is in the middle of nowhere. What’s so strategic about its location?” 

“Area 22,” Slater says. “Not 51.” 

The president doesn’t look pleased. “But it’s right by Area 51, and Area 51 sounds much cooler.” 

“Yes. But it’s at Area 22,” Slater says.