Happy Utopia Day, Joe McCarthy

Chapter 26

Traitors are not gentlemen, my friend.

—Senator Joseph McCarthy

Hubert slaps the desk and laughs. "Well, well, well. What have we here? This is a very interesting development."

I don't care anymore. "How's it going, Hueeey?" I say with a sneer.

The rest of the room looks at me wide-eyed.

Hubert reaches across the desk and smacks me across the face with his whip.

"Ow!"

"A little respect for the commandant, now, Special Agent Thompson. Oh, ho, ho!"

Hubert has reopened a mining wound. I feel blood dripping down the side of my cheek. "What lunatic made you comman- dant?"

"I think you know the answer to that." Hubert points his whip at my face. "And if it weren't for your embarrassing escape, I'd be down near Mexico rounding up real border-jumping criminals. Instead I was sent up here to Paul Bunyan land to scare away lumberjacks."

"Seems like you're doing pretty well," I say.

Hubert slaps his whip into his hand. "Not too shabby, I admit. But now with you two little nuggets, I'll be golden." He looks at Derek. "You must be Cannonball."

Derek looks at Hubert evenly, without a trace of emotion. "I can explode at any time," he says.

"Ho, ho. A comedian."

"How can you be so underhanded?" I ask. "Didn't they teach you any morality in those criminal justice classes at ASU?" "Plenty. But the morality of the world is that the strong per- severe. Survival of the fittest—that's the moral to life, regardless of the means."

I notice a small cross hanging from a thin silver necklace around Hubert's neck. I look at the necklace intently and nod at the cross. "'Turn the other cheek' mean anything to you?"

Hubert smacks his whip against the desk. "Get 'em out of here!"

The guards grab our arms.

"What are you going to do with us?" I ask.

Hubert laughs a quiet, evil chuckle. "Right now you guys are Big Mac's number one target. I'm going to make a few calls and parlay my little find into something really grand—maybe a DC post."

"Maybe you could be a Cub Scout master," I say.

Hubert flings his hands into the air. "Get 'em out of here. Put 'em in the hole."

The guards look confused. One of them finally says, "Um, we don't have a hole, Commandant."

"Dig one then, idiots."

The guards grab our arms and lead us to the door.

Hubert calls to us as we exit. "Didn't appreciate that tranquilizer dart—made me look like a fool. I'll get my revenge, mind you. Think about that while you're in the hole, suckers."

The guards drive us to the barracks closest to the manor house. It serves as a guard command center.

They sit us down at a table in a break room.

"Heck with Baby Huey," one says. "I'm not digging any hole."

"Who does that peach-fuzzed balloon-head think he is?" another says. "Only been here two days and he treats us like crap."

"Careful. They say he has connections—all the way to the White House."

We sit in the break room for an hour, and the guards are nice enough to feed us. They bring in two cots. "There you go. Welcome to the hole."