falling [asanoya/ennotana] 🌦

the second Talk

suddenly, i heard a KU-THUNK, and felt a pain in my neck.

"ow!" i exclaimed, slapping my hand to where i felt the pain.

i looked on the ground and saw an orange and blue nerf dart, which i leaned down to pick up.

noya looked very confused, and glanced around the courtyard.

"what was that?"

i quickly tucked it into my coat's inner pocket.

"oh, probably nothing. i, uh... there is actually something else i need to tell you."

he turned back towards me, and it felt like his eyes would burn a hole right through me. i also could've sworn i heard the faint sound of a nerf gun reloading.

"what do you need to say?" he asked expectantly.

"well... um... the thing is... it's something that originally came up a while ago, and i-" i cleared my throat. "i've been meaning to tell you, but i... i just didn't know how, and-"

"did you cheat on me or something?" he demanded, cutting me off.

my breath caught in my throat, my eyes widening. i was surprised at how genuinely hurt he looked.

"what?! no! of course not, what would make you think that?!"

"well, i was talking to- actually, i should probably let you know now that anything we say here is not private because i'm telling everything that happens after this to tanaka. so anyway, i was doing that after last night, and he brought the idea up. he actually suggested that you had a side chick, and i was like, 'bruh. look who you're talking too,' and he was like, 'oh, right. but yeah, anyway-' and i brushed it off at first, but then i was like, what if you were cheating on me with someone else and then broke up with me because you felt guilty even if you still did love me? at least, that's the only logical explanation i've been able to come up with so far."

with each word he said, it seemed to become harder and harder to breathe, but i couldn't have an anxiety attack. not here. not now.

i closed my eyes, and did my breathing exercises- breathe in for four, hold it for seven, and out for eight.

i did this a couple times, then opened my eyes to see nishinoya looking at me with concern.

"are you alright?" he asked.

i brushed my hand down my face quickly before resting it back on my lap.

"i'm fine. besides, you shouldn't have to ask me that now. and... i promise you i didn't cheat on you, i never would. first of all, that sounds way too scary, second of all, i'm way too in love with you for that. plus, i don't even think i could get anyone else to... be with... even if i would have considered... that. which i never did."

"eh, i believe you. but there you go again! saying you still love me while simultaneously putting yourself down! what's up with that, man?!"

i flinched slightly, resting my hand behind my neck, wrapping a loose tendril of hair around my finger.

"ah, sorry about that. i'm just trying to tell the truth."

"ugh, okay, so you admit there's something you're not telling me, but you didn't cheat on me, and you still love me? then what is it? why did you do it?"

"well i..." i took a deep breath. "i decided to..."

at my hesitation, noya gestured with his hands slightly, encouraging to continue.

"i... don't know how to say this... i just keep imagining what your face will look like when i say it, and it gets harder to say..."

"well now i really wanna know what it could be. just what did you do that could be so horrible?"

"no, it wasn't- i mean, i don't think it was horrible. i just... it's gonna be new and weird, and-"

"did you wax your chest?!"

"what?! no!"

he looked slightly disappointed.

"aw, man..."

"wha- do you want me to?!"

he laughed.

"nah, i'm kidding, i'm kidding. i like your hairy chest just the way it is."

i blushed, remembering daichi and suga hiding out somewhere nearby listening to all this.

"uh... thanks? i guess?"

"yeah, now seriously what is it? if you're gonna say you're trans or something, that doesn't bother me either. i swing both ways, baby, and i honestly don't care how you choose to identify."

i shook my head.

"it's not that either... i just... can i tell you Next Wednesday?"

"why Next Wednesday?"

"well... i feel like if i have a set date, it's easier to make sure i actually say it, and i have time to like... practice saying it, and that way i can hold myself accountable, i guess. like, i have to say it by this certain time. if that makes sense."

"yeah, i guess... but why not just blurt it out now? pull a fast one on yourself, that way, boom! it's out and you don't have to stress over it for a week."

"i mean... i? maybe...?"

i tried to imagine just blurting it out now, but my breath started to come in short bursts again, so i stopped thinking about that and focused on my breathing again.

"ah, sorry, i didn't mean to make you feel bad. you don't have to say it now, i guess. it's alright if you wait til next wednesday."

"are you sure?"

he smiled.

"yeah, it's fine. i don't mind waiting for you."

my heart squeezed unexpectedly at his words.

"oh. i... thanks," i whispered.

"it's okay. i mean, what's one week, right? besides, we'll still have plenty of time to spend together next year."

i felt a stab of guilt course through me.

"uh, yeah, for sure," i stammered.

"anyway, i've been talking a lot, but did you wanna say anything while we're here or ask me some questions?"

i quickly wracked my brain.

"nothing comes to mind."

he leapt up, so i stood as well.

"that was a good talk, i'm glad we did this."

"yeah, me too."

i smiled. and hesitantly opened my arms for a hug, which caused an uncomfortable expression to cross noya's face.

"ah... not yet, sorry. how about this for now?"

he held up his hand for a high-five.

"that would be perfect," i agreed, and high-fived him.

he smiled widely.

"okay, bye. see ya tomorrow!"

"see you," i called out feebly as i watched him skip away.

a/n: i got a little carried away so there's actually about 14 filler chapters before Next Wednesday, lmao sorry bout that ✌️