17 - i really fucked it up this time

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as we pulled up into the driveway I couldn't stop myself from feeling like this was all some crazy dream; weeks ago I had no clue that this guy even existed, now I was spending the night at his house. i had no idea why I spoke to him on that night or why I had the sudden urge to go up and speak to him. it could have been really awkward. it could have gone really bad. but after a while, we were talking almost as if we'd never drifted. it was so strange how it had all happened. but I was so grateful i'd summoned up the courage to talk to him that night.

we got out the car together and I waited at his doorstep as I watched ethan lock the car and then rush over to the front door to unlock it. he opened the door and smiled at me deviously.

"ladies first." I rolled my eyes playfully and entered his house, hearing him walk in behind me and shut the door. I looked around at the living room that I was stood in. it was small, but it was cosy. the decorating was quite nice. and his tv was way bigger than mine. I was kind of jealous.

"it's not much but...it's home I guess." he mumbled as he set his keys down on the coffee table.

"you guess?"

"well, i'm not gonna lie to you and say that I wouldn't kill for a bigger, nicer looking house." I looked around once more, taking in the new location.

"i think it's nice. matches your personality." he turned to face me and raised an eyebrow.

"how so?" 

"i don't know. i'm just saying random bullshit to try and make you feel better." he let out a small giggle and smiled. 

"it's kinda working. do you want a drink?" instantly he changed the subject and walked into the the adjacent room that I assumed was the kitchen. I quickly followed and realised that my assumptions were correct. 

"um...no, i'm good." I replied as I watched him open up his fridge door and begin to look inside. 

"you sure? i'm having a beer." he said as he turned around with a large can of beer in his hand. I didn't want to feel left out...and after the day i'd had I could have done with a bit more booze.

"then i'll have what you're having." we smiled at each other before he turned around and grabbed a beer before turning back and handing it to me. he shut the fridge door and turned back to me, opening his can and raising it slightly.

"to your bitch of a girlfriend." usually if somebody made a comment like that about my girlfriend i'd be mad at them. but it was ethan, and I was already kind of drunk, so I let it slide. plus, it's not like he was wrong. I laughed and raised my can with him.

"cheers."

***

i crashed down onto the sofa, followed by ethan who fell on my lap, not daring to move when he realised where he was sat. the room was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn't tell if it was because of the alcohol in my system or because of the horrible act that I was committing...again.

in the dim lights I saw ethan smirk at me. he knew exactly what he was doing, and he didn't intend on stopping any time soon. he placed his warm hands on my chest and clutched onto my shirt. he moved his head to the side and eventually I felt his lips come into contact with my neck. I sat there still, breathing in the cold air through my teeth as he kissed and nibbled on my skin. I didn't know what to do. I felt that if I moved a single inch i'd throw up.

he removed his lips from my neck and looked back at me with a wide grin before looking down at my shirt. he let go of the fabric, only to place his doll-like fingers on the buttons. he looked back up at me and smiled.

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