We should've stayed friends

Autumn air

Daniel:For once it was nice coming to school and
not being angry. It made the day seem like it was about to be an amazing day. I usually would see Cameron on my way to school and I did but I didn't want to make it a big deal. Our relationship was already becoming way too complicated for my liking. I didn't want whatever was happening between me and Cameron get in the way of my judgement.

I had to keep in mind that he was straight. It's just when you get so much attention and affection from one person it just  seems like you are supposed to pay attention to these things. All I knew was that I was slowly but surely already falling for him. I would speak about him and what me and him spoke about during my intervals with my friends and it would become weird. Most of them could relate to being in love but like me I wasn't one to actually want a guy so much I never did that's shit it was beyond me.

Sometimes my friends would even call me obsessed with talking about him when our interval was our escape. Especially from the reality we were living in it's just made things harder, because I was actually in love and they knew that I don't do love I'm a cold heart bitch apparently. Somewhere along the line I didn't even bother to think that I was becoming obsessed with talking about him. It just made my entire school life rather difficult because I spoke about him every chance I got which was frankly becoming insane. He didn't really bother me that much it was just casual and fun at the time.

It didn't really occur to me that he was consuming my entire being. When we spoke it's like I could speak to him and not worry whether anyone heard or didn't. Whatever they said while I was with him didn't even creep in or made me stop talking to him. Whatever was happening to me must by now be happening to him as well. This whole overthink thing was starting to become a problem.

We were starting to become a real issue. We would even argue in class for no apparent reason and Cameron would just sit quietly and listen to me argue with him over nothing. It was starting to become super irritating. I didn't want it to escalate further than what it had already but seems like it's out of my hands. It was already complicated and now with everyone on our cases because of all the arguing that was occuring and it wasn't even August yet which made it even more ominous and all the scolding was as conspicuous as the sun during daylight.

Even before I got to the school I would play Halsey music to get me in the mood for the day. My friends would say that I love halsey's music more than what I loved them. Somewhere along the line it was true Halsey was a mood that I liked to indulge in. She gave me clarity when my head was filled with noise. It was like the flutter of a butterfly's wing could cause a tyfoon halfway across the planet(chaos theory).

The whole whether it be “infatuation” or “love” wasn't really my thing. Ive watched so much romantic movies that I started realising that the whole concept of “love” is just a human thing. People chose to create something that causes the next person heartbreak. The whole thing is just a man-made feeling to either replace the loneliness or lack of attention or affection. So when I actually liked someone who besides myself and my friends became a weird concept to me.

Most of the people I knew or was associated with would tell me love is the best thing. It was happiness and sunshine and rainbows which was hard to believe. Most of my friends would tell me that love is a warm and welcoming feeling that your heart experiences. With them telling me that I started to doubt my own belief about this unknown concept of “love”. I wouldn't exactly say I had abandonment issues because I didn't but I just didn't let people in easily because they'd leave and it would hurt.

So when I found myself totally and utterly consumed by another human being it was rather intriguing,because people would always tell me I'm so nasty to everyone and that I'll chase away the love of my life because I was so rude to everyone. TBH I was rude for a reason if you're nice to people they take it as a sign of weakness especially at the school I was attending so me being nasty was a surprise to them. I was nice to my friends because they were a selective few who I felt like needed a me in their lives because apparently when I'm being mean I'm funny. Which is rather shortsighted if you think about it they find me amusing once they overlook the fact that I'm a complete asshole and that's putting it bluntly. I never liked being nice to people so I push them away either for their own good or because I just don't want to be associated with their kind. I wouldn't really say that I hate everybody it's just I disliked a lot of people and types of people and nobody understood why neither did I but everyone wanted to be my friend people on the school would greet me and be polite and I would just brush them off. Well I guess this isn't exactly going to be my year more like a miserable year.

A/N
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