Burning Confessions

11 - Iris

Time had always been something I treasured; you could do anything you wanted if you planned it out right. It could drag out to give you more time with loved ones or torture you before something happened. It could speed up to help you survive through pain or to make your suffering come sooner. Time could be your friend or your enemy.

Right now it was hard to tell which one it was.

I had been sat here for a while now, staring at the bed opposite me. Memories of two nights ago flashed behind my eyelids: the panic and fear, the drunken laughter of the three males around me, the thudding of my heart in my ears, the screaming when the glass hit me. Memories of last night flickered almost tauntingly: the blood in the bathroom, the stinging pain of the wound as I tried to wrap it, the blinding one after Derek pressed down on it, the feeling of utter weakness.

I knew I was weak. I had no power against Derek and Tobias- I had no power against anyone.

Leaning against my bedroom door, my fingers fiddled with the thin chain I wore around my ankle. It was my mother's; her mother had given it to her and her mother to her before that. It was a trinket type of thing; there was a small steel band on it with words gently engraved on the surface: 'She believed she could so she did'. The words were meant to comfort me, meant to give me strength but they only reminded me that I had no strength or courage.

My brothers and I had each been given something by our parents the night they were killed. It was as though they knew something was going to happen to them soon but not as quick as it had come. Dad had given Cal and Shane his dog tags; he had four. Normally people only had two but Dad had gotten four because he wanted two to represent his love to Mum as well as the time he spent in the army. Upon their death, Calvin and Shane split the tags and now they each had one from the original pairings. Mum had given me her anklet, latching the small chain around my smaller ankle, it almost slipping off my foot at the time.

When my parents were killed, Ken and Brandon were told to get rid of the bodies but they scavenged their wedding rings and gave them to me the next day- the last time I actually saw the brothers. My hand now clutched the chain I wore around my neck and the two gold rings jingled as they settled in my palm. One was slightly larger and thick while the smaller one had four small diamonds embedded in the metal. There was no engagement ring; Dad had used the dog tags as his question. I found it rather suiting, using dog tags as it went with the thing Mum loved most about Dad and it was just something Mum and Dad had.

Of course, Mum wore the tags but Dad had been the one to give them to Shane. Dad's tags were his army ones but Mum's were something slightly different so it was pretty easy to mix and match them. To tribute Mum and Dad, Ian took us to a tattoo parlour and we were fortunate that it was Ken that owned it. The three of us got matching tattoos of their symbol, their trademark. They might have made many enemies but they loved us with everything they had.

Cal's note perched next to me on the floor, staring up at me with his confident and blocky handwriting engrained in my head. I was honestly scared of what he had in mind because if he was going to do anything, he would need to come before one; that's when Derek got back. Part of me just knew what was going to happen tonight and that same part accepted it. I didn't want to accept it but I knew that when he came home, nothing was going to stop him from doing it.

I heard the sound of an engine coming into the driveway but it didn't sound like the Camaro which sounded more violent. Tobias was home; it was twelve but I had already made lunch and put it on the island for him. I knew he wouldn't come up to bother me until he'd eaten and that he wouldn't beat me today- Derek's request. He'd been doing it less and less now; Derek owned me so Derek punished me.